1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

2
00:01:50,009 --> 00:01:50,976
Yo.

3
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,202
Hey, I was doing some research
for next year...

4
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:56,313
...and I think I figured out
which website I wanna subscribe to.

5
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:59,542
- The Vag-tastic Voyage.
- Which one is the Vag-tastic Voyage?

6
00:01:59,751 --> 00:02:01,515
<i>The Vag-tastic Voyage</i>
<i>is the one where...</i>

7
00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:05,020
<i>... they find random girls on the street,</i>
<i>and they invite them into a van...</i>

8
00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:06,988
...and then they bang them
in the van.

9
00:02:07,193 --> 00:02:08,455
It's like 13 bucks a month...

10
00:02:08,661 --> 00:02:10,322
...and you get access
to other sites.

11
00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:14,830
Like one's Latina, one's Asian,
you know, there's one for fetishes...

12
00:02:15,034 --> 00:02:17,525
...like feet and pee-pee and shit
and stuff like that.

13
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:19,500
That's disgusting.
You're like an animal.

14
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,174
I'm... What? I'm disgusting?
You're the weird one, man.

15
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:24,343
Don't make me feel weird
because I like porn.

16
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:26,842
You're weird for not liking porn.
I'm normal as shit.

17
00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:28,809
Peeing on people. That's normal?

18
00:02:29,015 --> 00:02:31,347
Evan, I'm not saying
I'm gonna look at it.

19
00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:33,917
I'm just saying that
it comes with the site, okay?

20
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:36,486
I don't know what I'm gonna be into
10 years from now.

21
00:02:36,689 --> 00:02:38,384
I'm just sick of all the amateur stuff.

22
00:02:38,591 --> 00:02:41,754
I mean, like, if I'm paying top dollar,
I want a little production value.

23
00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:44,691
Like some editing, transition,
something. Some music.

24
00:02:44,898 --> 00:02:48,732
Yeah, well, I'm sorry the Coen brothers
don't direct the porn that I watch.

25
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:50,493
They're hard to get ahold of, okay?

26
00:02:50,703 --> 00:02:53,536
Plus your parents are gonna be
looking at the bill, dipshit.

27
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:58,143
Yeah, you're right. I probably should
pick the one with the least dirty name.

28
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,439
What about, like, Perfect Ten?

29
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,446
Something like that, you know?

30
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:06,209
Like Perfect Ten?

31
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,250
Because that could be
any number of things.

32
00:03:08,454 --> 00:03:11,821
They can't really get you for that.
That could be, like, a bowling website.

33
00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:16,051
Yeah, but they don't really show dick
going in, which is a huge concern.

34
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,229
I didn't realize that.

35
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,990
Plus, have you ever seen
a vagina by itself?

36
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:22,596
Not for me.

37
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:24,235
Hi.

38
00:03:25,104 --> 00:03:28,232
- Thanks for taking him, Seth.
- No... No problem, Jane.

39
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:30,671
- How are you?
- Good.

40
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,469
Beautiful.

41
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:35,073
- Don't touch that.
- What are you...?

42
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:37,374
- I'm not a piece of meat.
- You two are funny.

43
00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:41,347
I can't imagine what you're gonna do
without each other next year.

44
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:43,579
Evan told me
you didn't get into Dartmouth.

45
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:48,451
I got into some schools, some
pretty good ones. So I'll be fine.

46
00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:51,653
- You gonna miss each other?
- No. Miss each other? No, thank you.

47
00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:53,422
I don't... I don't miss each other.

48
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,430
I'm gonna cry myself
to sleep every night.

49
00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,193
- Me too.
- When I'm out partying.

50
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,995
Go to school, boys.

51
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,166
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Jane.

52
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:08,208
I am truly jealous you got to suck
on those tits when you were a baby.

53
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,315
Yeah, well, at least you got to
suck on your dad's dick.

54
00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:25,655
Hey, Seth,
you can't park in the faculty lot.

55
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:28,766
Don't be such a vagine, man.
I gotta get a Red Bull before class.

56
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,927
You're being an idiot.
You shouldn't have parked there.

57
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:34,663
Fuck it. I'm about to graduate.

58
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:37,638
They should be sucking
on my ball sac.

59
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,572
It's the least they could do
for stealing three years of my life.

60
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:48,245
- Oh, fuck me.
- Look at those nipples.

61
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,388
They're like little baby toes.

62
00:04:50,590 --> 00:04:52,649
It's not fair
they get to flaunt that stuff...

63
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,952
...and I have to hide
every erection I get.

64
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:57,789
You know what I do?
I flip my boner up into my waistband.

65
00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,988
It hides it and it feels awesome.

66
00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:02,633
I almost blew a load
into my bellybutton.

67
00:05:02,835 --> 00:05:05,804
I mean, just imagine if girls weren't
weirded out by our boners...

68
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:07,666
...and just, like,
wanted to see them.

69
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:10,968
I mean, that's the world
I one day wanna live in.

70
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:14,305
It's been two years since I've seen
an actual human female nipple.

71
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,482
Shauna?
Shauna was two years ago now?

72
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:17,650
Yeah.

73
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:20,284
Yeah, I guess so.
But she was insanely hot.

74
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,683
Exactly. She was too hot, okay?
That's what sucks.

75
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:26,154
How can that suck?
I'd be psyched if I got with her.

76
00:05:26,359 --> 00:05:27,849
You got, like, two dozen handjobs.

77
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:30,757
Yes, and three-quarters of a blowjob,
but who's counting?

78
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:33,056
Look, it was the peak
of my ass-getting career...

79
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,824
...and it happened way too early.

80
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,968
- You're like Orson Welles.
- Exactly!

81
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,661
If I'd paced myself,
I'd be having at least steady sex...

82
00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:41,169
...with a decent-looking girl.

83
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,343
I honestly see now why Orson Welles
ate his fat ass to death.

84
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:46,341
You'll have sex in college,
everyone does.

85
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:49,640
But the point is to be good at sex
by the time you get to college.

86
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,682
You don't want girls thinking
you suck dick at fucking pussy.

87
00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:54,853
I still think you have
a chance with Jules.

88
00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:56,851
She got incredibly hot over
last summer...

89
00:05:57,056 --> 00:05:59,024
...and she obviously
hasn't realized it yet...

90
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:01,887
...because she's still talking to you
and flirting with you.

91
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:05,121
Are you out of your mind?
Look at Jules' dating record, okay?

92
00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:08,664
She dated Dan Remick, who's had
a six-pack since, like, kindergarten.

93
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:12,429
Jason Stone, who looks like
fucking Zack Morris. And Matt Muir.

94
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:14,902
Matt Muir.
He's the sweetest guy ever.

95
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,939
Have you ever stared into his eyes?

96
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,703
It was like the first time
I heard the Beatles.

97
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,973
Why would she end
her high school career with me?

98
00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:25,207
Becca dated Eric Rosecrantz
for like two years.

99
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:28,717
Yeah, but he's a fucking idiot.
You're a step up from that dick-load.

100
00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:31,014
That's why you need to stop...
Will you get this?

101
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,624
That's why you need to stop
being a pussy and nail her.

102
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,589
You could bang her
before you leave.

103
00:06:35,795 --> 00:06:38,730
And I'm not gonna dance around it,
she looks like a good fucker.

104
00:06:38,931 --> 00:06:41,331
I'm tired of you talking
about her like that, man.

105
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:44,992
What, you can talk about her all day
and if I say one thing, it's blasphemy?

106
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:46,762
Well, I don't constantly insult her.

107
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:48,372
I'm not trying to insult her.

108
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:51,099
I'm just saying that
she looks like a good fucker, okay?

109
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:52,834
She looks like she can take a dick.

110
00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:55,605
Some women pride themselves
on their dick-taking abilities.

111
00:06:55,815 --> 00:06:58,716
Dick-taking abilities? You think
that's good to say about someone?

112
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,113
The fucked-up thing is,
I actually do, okay?

113
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,915
If a woman tried to compliment me on
my dick-giving abilities, I'd be psyched.

114
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,489
Hey, yo, Seth.

115
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:09,728
What?

116
00:07:09,929 --> 00:07:12,955
Did you hear I'm having
a big grad party next Saturday?

117
00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:16,334
- No.
- Yeah.

118
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:19,903
- Oh, shit!
- You're not coming.

119
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:23,804
Tell your fucking faggot friend
he can't come either.

120
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,143
So Jesse wanted me to tell you...

121
00:07:30,349 --> 00:07:32,715
...you're a fucking faggot
and can't come to his party.

122
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:34,784
You really bitched out
back there, man.

123
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:36,318
I bitched out?

124
00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:39,286
You bitched out, man,
you fucking Judas.

125
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:40,686
You fucking left me hanging.

126
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,884
Did you want me to dive
in front of his spit?

127
00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:48,025
Come on, guys, let's go!

128
00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:04,539
This is bullshit.

129
00:08:04,750 --> 00:08:06,877
Pussy.

130
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:11,049
If I equals the square root
of negative one...

131
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:16,820
...then I squared equals
negative one. Okay?

132
00:08:17,029 --> 00:08:19,259
In other words,
if you consider I as a constant...

133
00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:23,231
...you can then define the square roots
of all the negative numbers.

134
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:28,106
So I is an imaginary number.
It doesn't really exist.

135
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:31,367
If I equals the square root
of negative one...

136
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,568
...then I squared equals
negative one.

137
00:08:33,779 --> 00:08:36,441
Is this making s...? Okay.

138
00:08:43,055 --> 00:08:44,352
- Okay, bye.
- Evan!

139
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:46,358
- Evan, hey.
- Hey, Becca.

140
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,151
- Hey, thank you for your pen.
- Hey.

141
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,989
No problem. No, no, don't worry.
No worries. You keep it.

142
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:54,758
You won't have to borrow one again
because you'll have that one.

143
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:58,835
- Thank you so much, that's...
- You're welcome. Don't worry about it.

144
00:08:59,038 --> 00:09:00,665
So I was gonna ask you...

145
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,364
...did you hear about
Jesse's grad party next weekend?

146
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:07,137
- It should be fun.
- I heard. I... It's a maybe.

147
00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:08,836
- Really?
- For me at the moment.

148
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:10,576
- My R.S.V.P.
- Just a maybe?

149
00:09:10,783 --> 00:09:11,750
So far.

150
00:09:11,951 --> 00:09:14,613
There's so much other fun shit
that's gonna be happening...

151
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:17,846
...that I can't really commit and,
you know, hurt someone's feelings.

152
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:21,117
Fun shit? But I never see you
at parties or anything.

153
00:09:21,994 --> 00:09:24,792
That's because of
all the other fun shit I'm off doing.

154
00:09:24,997 --> 00:09:26,726
I'd love to be at all of them, but...

155
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,764
Why weren't you
at Dimitri's on Saturday?

156
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,458
There was so many things
going on.

157
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:32,763
I couldn't find a minute
to make an appearance.

158
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:36,408
- What did you do?
- Saturday was a crazy night for me.

159
00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:41,412
<i>I had some friends over,</i>
<i>we had a few drinks.</i>

160
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,445
<i>That's Vag-tastic!</i>

161
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:46,379
<i>I hung out in my basement,</i>
<i>the chill zone, where we chill-lax.</i>

162
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,214
<i>Like "relax" and "chill"</i>
<i>all at once.</i>

163
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:51,813
Seth's parents
were throwing a party.

164
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,959
<i>We got to hang around adults,</i>
<i>which was a nice change of pace.</i>

165
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:58,597
<i>You converse, you talk to people</i>
<i>and they have interesting stories.</i>

166
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:02,461
<i>I talked to a man who claimed he had</i>
<i>climbed five mountains in his life.</i>

167
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:06,100
Then we went to a nightclub, which
was incredible. This big, fancy one.

168
00:10:06,305 --> 00:10:09,069
- Gonna look at tits right now!
- <i>I'm feeling crazy. I said that.</i>

169
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:11,740
- <i>You got in?</i>
- <i>We got right in.</i>

170
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:13,741
- Wanna do this, 'roid monkey?
- Fuck you!

171
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,313
<i>Then we called it a night.</i>
<i>We were all just really exhausted.</i>

172
00:10:17,516 --> 00:10:19,279
What the fuck?!

173
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:22,716
You would've loved it. It was
an incredible, unbelievable night.

174
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:24,219
That sounds like a lot of fun.

175
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:27,324
You know, I'd love to go
do something like that sometime.

176
00:10:27,526 --> 00:10:29,153
Who wouldn't? I mean, it was like...

177
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:32,559
...me and Seth are
always kind of cooking up these...

178
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,393
...fun, sort of,
little, you know, events.

179
00:10:35,601 --> 00:10:38,331
I guess you guys are really
gonna go crazy next year together.

180
00:10:38,537 --> 00:10:41,267
We were going to,
but we got into different schools.

181
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:43,499
Really? That sucks.

182
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:46,935
Yeah, I mean, it's not too bad.
I mean, it should be okay.

183
00:10:47,146 --> 00:10:48,704
Not too worried about it, really.

184
00:10:48,914 --> 00:10:51,508
Don't worry about it.
I'm not worried at all.

185
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:56,621
- All right, well, thank you for the pen.
- Yeah. No problem.

186
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:59,689
- Bye.
- Bye.

187
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:02,156
Bye, Evan.

188
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:14,536
Mrs. Hayworth, I joined this class
because I'd be cooking with a partner.

189
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:18,301
But she's never here, and I don't get
twice the grades for doing all the work.

190
00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,570
I didn't invent odd numbers, Seth.

191
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,806
I know, but look at Evan, okay?
Just look at him.

192
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:27,474
Don't keep me waiting much longer.
I'm getting impatient up here.

193
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,485
You know what I'm talking about.
Miroki, you're embarrassing me.

194
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:34,091
I'm here in my unit, isolated and alone,
eating my terrible-tasting food...

195
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:35,760
...and I gotta look over at that.

196
00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:38,156
Looks like the most fun
I've ever seen in my life.

197
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:41,492
And it's B.S. Excuse my language.
I'm just saying that I wash and dry.

198
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:42,827
I'm like a single mother.

199
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,003
We all know Home Ec is a joke,
no offense.

200
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,605
Everyone takes this class to get an A.
It's bullshit, and I'm sorry.

201
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:51,743
I'm not putting down your profession,
but it's just the way I feel.

202
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:54,242
I don't wanna sit here alone
cooking this shitty food.

203
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:58,406
No offense. And I just think
that I don't ever need to cook tiramisu.

204
00:11:58,617 --> 00:12:00,346
When am I gonna need
to cook tiramisu?

205
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:01,918
Am I gonna be a chef? No.

206
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:05,113
There's three weeks left in school.
Give me a fucking break.

207
00:12:05,324 --> 00:12:07,485
I'm sorry for cursing.

208
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,992
All right, Jules' partner isn't here
today either.

209
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:12,630
Pair up with her. Station four.

210
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:14,957
Jules?

211
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,032
All right. I'll give it another shot.

212
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,228
I'll give Home Ec another shot.

213
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:32,044
Hey, Jules.
Your partner didn't come today?

214
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:34,783
- That's kind of a personal question.
- What?

215
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:38,447
Nothing. It's my attempt at humor.
I was just...

216
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,453
Oh, like coming.

217
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:42,718
Like "coming" coming.

218
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:47,265
Wow, that was a little too far
right there. The gesture.

219
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:50,367
Yeah. It's pretty far.
Shit, I do that...

220
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:52,935
No, don't worry.
I'm actually used to it.

221
00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:55,733
My older brother says, like,
the nastiest shit.

222
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,068
Like he called me "hymen"
until I was 12.

223
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:00,812
- That's sick. That's not even clever.
- I know.

224
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:01,980
I know.

225
00:13:02,181 --> 00:13:04,741
I would've gone with something
at least mildly entertaining.

226
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:07,350
You know, like... Like...
Like "family Jules."

227
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:11,956
Or like "nuts." Yeah, that's funny.
That's a fucking funny joke.

228
00:13:12,391 --> 00:13:14,359
Fucking funny.

229
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,929
- I can't believe that.
- So, all right. We gotta...

230
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,097
...mix it up.

231
00:13:54,967 --> 00:13:59,336
Yeah, Hayworth will notice this,
if we cover it with chocolate.

232
00:13:59,738 --> 00:14:01,831
- The whole thing?
- Just dump it on. I'm serious.

233
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:03,065
Okay.

234
00:14:03,876 --> 00:14:06,743
- And now it looks professional.
- That's really impressive.

235
00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:09,380
- It's beautifully done.
- I think we're gonna get an A.

236
00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:13,976
So, what are you doing tonight?

237
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,049
- Probably nothing. Why?
- I don't know.

238
00:14:16,255 --> 00:14:18,246
My parents are gone
so I'm having a party.

239
00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:21,051
I don't really know how many people
are gonna be there...

240
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,524
...but you could stop by
if you wanted to.

241
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:26,223
Yeah, I love parties.

242
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:28,257
Really?

243
00:14:28,634 --> 00:14:30,966
I just don't really ever
see you at them.

244
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:32,865
You know, it's a love-hate thing.

245
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:36,405
So, like, you know, right now,
I really love them, though.

246
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,076
- Yeah.
- Good shit, right, Miroki?

247
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:41,571
Yeah.

248
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:44,408
Hey, Miroki, could we have
a minute alone? Just... Thanks.

249
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,177
Dude, Jules is having
a fucking party.

250
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:48,751
Hey!

251
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:52,419
- Don't tell Fogell about the party.
- Gangsters. What's up, guys?

252
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,951
I was just walking down the hall
and Nicola was right in front of me.

253
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:59,096
She's wearing these tight white pants
with this black G-string...

254
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:02,324
...and you could see right
through the pants. It was so sweet.

255
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:14,844
It's 10:33.

256
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,716
What?

257
00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:22,048
I told her what time it was.

258
00:15:22,254 --> 00:15:25,189
That's the coolest fucking story
I've ever heard in my entire life.

259
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:27,951
- Can I hear it again? You have time?
- Yeah, yeah, Seth.

260
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,958
I'll miss your knee-slappers
when me and Evan are at Dartmouth.

261
00:15:31,163 --> 00:15:33,256
While you guys are at Dartmouth,
I'll be at State...

262
00:15:33,465 --> 00:15:36,559
...where the girls are half as smart
and twice as likely to fellash me.

263
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,169
What are you guys doing tonight?
Asshole.

264
00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:41,566
We got nothing.
Nothing tonight, Fogell.

265
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,641
No? Well, if nothing comes up,
we can get shitfaced again, yeah?

266
00:15:44,843 --> 00:15:47,573
You're always calling me a pussy,
but today you're wrong.

267
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:50,214
At lunch, I'm going to the same place
Mike Snider went...

268
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,782
...to pick up my brand-new fake ID.

269
00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:57,088
Yeah. Fake ID. Fake ID. I'm tight.

270
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,723
That's insane. Evan was like,
"I heard about this party.

271
00:15:59,925 --> 00:16:02,860
We shouldn't tell Fogell."
I was like, "No, we should tell Fogell."

272
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,189
You could buy us booze now.
It's awesome.

273
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:08,855
Yeah, I'll... Sure, I'll buy the booze.
Yeah, we're gonna get our drinks on.

274
00:16:09,068 --> 00:16:11,559
We're gonna party
and get crunk and rock out, dude.

275
00:16:11,770 --> 00:16:13,829
If you're not in this class,
leave this class.

276
00:16:14,039 --> 00:16:16,200
Fogell! Hi.

277
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:17,466
Okay. Gotta go.

278
00:16:17,676 --> 00:16:19,667
Well done. Seriously.
See you after class.

279
00:16:20,245 --> 00:16:22,008
You tell that idiot
you're not rooming with him?

280
00:16:22,214 --> 00:16:23,181
Not yet. No.

281
00:16:23,382 --> 00:16:26,112
All right, well, you better.
That guy's the fucking anti-poon.

282
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,252
Seth, it's dishes time.
What's the holdup?

283
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:30,712
We're getting a fake ID, so...

284
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,687
- It's not like a big deal.
- Wow, that's cool.

285
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:36,019
But you guys have, like,
four more years to go...

286
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:37,627
...so do you wanna get to work?

287
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,196
Well, we got into
different schools, so...

288
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,492
So you're cutting the cord?
What's gonna happen?

289
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:45,261
Nothing. Jeez, what does
everybody think is gonna happen?

290
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:48,304
The world's gonna explode if we
don't spend every second together?

291
00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:50,873
I mean, we're not dependent
on each other, you know.

292
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,476
We met when we were 8.
We were fine before then.

293
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,477
I was. I mean, it's like,
we don't do everything together.

294
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,377
No. All right, I gotta take a piss.

295
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,212
My dick's not gonna shake itself.
Come on, babe.

296
00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:06,185
- He's a crack-up.
- I'm just gonna go.

297
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:11,360
Well, at least
we're getting a graduation party.

298
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:12,689
Thank God, man.

299
00:17:12,898 --> 00:17:14,763
I'm excited.

300
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:18,425
I would do terrible, disgusting things
to hook up with Jules.

301
00:17:18,637 --> 00:17:20,400
- Unforgivable things.
- I hear you, man.

302
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,733
I'd give my middle nut
to start dating Becca.

303
00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,841
Becca's a bitch.

304
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:27,672
You know what? I'm seriously
getting fucking sick of you...

305
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,314
...talking about her like that,
if we can be honest.

306
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,143
- Me too.
- Why do you hate her so much?

307
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:34,751
You've never given me a reason.
I think you like her.

308
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:38,248
- Fuck no, man! I hate Becca.
- Why, man?

309
00:17:38,457 --> 00:17:40,925
Fine, Evan. Here it comes.

310
00:17:41,126 --> 00:17:43,924
When I was a little kid,
I kind of had this problem.

311
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:45,756
And it's not even that big of a deal.

312
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:48,694
Something like 8 percent of kids
do it, but whatever. It's...

313
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:55,329
For some reason, I don't know why,
I would just kind of sit around all day...

314
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:58,873
...and draw pictures of dicks.

315
00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:02,004
What?

316
00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,641
Draw pictures of dicks.

317
00:18:04,983 --> 00:18:06,382
Dicks?

318
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,382
Like a man dick?

319
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,889
Yeah. Like a man dick.

320
00:18:13,692 --> 00:18:16,957
<i>I'd sit there for hours, drawing dicks.</i>
<i>I don't know what it was.</i>

321
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:20,928
<i>I couldn't touch the pen to paper</i>
<i>without drawing the shape of a penis.</i>

322
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:23,397
- <i>That's fucked.</i>
- <i>No shit, it's really fucked up.</i>

323
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,864
<i>Here I am, this little kid...</i>

324
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:28,005
<i>... and I can't stop drawing dicks</i>
<i>to save my own life.</i>

325
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:39,812
All right. I mean, I don't see
what this has to do with Becca.

326
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:42,384
Just listen. Okay?

327
00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:45,751
<i>Your precious little Becca</i>
<i>sat next to me for all of fourth grade.</i>

328
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:50,087
<i>And in the classroom is where</i>
<i>I did the majority of my illustrations.</i>

329
00:18:50,929 --> 00:18:54,126
<i>I was very secretive about this</i>
<i>whole dick operation I had going on.</i>

330
00:18:54,333 --> 00:18:55,891
<i>Even I thought I was fucking crazy.</i>

331
00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:57,762
<i>Imagine what everyone else</i>
<i>would think.</i>

332
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,938
<i>So I would stash</i>
<i>all of my dick drawings...</i>

333
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,006
<i>... in this</i> Ghostbusters <i>lunchbox</i>
<i>that I had.</i>

334
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:07,406
<i>So one day I'm finishing up this</i>
<i>real big, veiny, triumphant bastard.</i>

335
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:08,705
<i>All of a sudden...</i>

336
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:10,643
Pussy!

337
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,019
You hit Becca's foot with your dick?

338
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,950
Yeah. I know.

339
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:34,439
Oh, my God!

340
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:38,903
<i>She starts crying. She flips out.</i>
<i>And she rats me out to the principal.</i>

341
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,602
<i>He finds this</i> Ghostbusters <i>lunchbox</i>
<i>dick treasure chest...</i>

342
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:43,212
<i>... and he fucking flips out.</i>

343
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:56,060
<i>He calls in my parents. Turns out this</i>
<i>principal is some religious fanatic...</i>

344
00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:58,422
<i>... and he thinks I'm possessed</i>
<i>by some dick devil.</i>

345
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:02,066
<i>My parents make me see a therapist,</i>
<i>and he's asking me dick questions.</i>

346
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:04,497
<i>They made me stop eating foods</i>
<i>shaped like dicks.</i>

347
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,330
<i>No hot dogs, no Popsicles.</i>

348
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:09,405
You know how many foods are
shaped like dicks? The best kinds.

349
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:11,041
Yeah.

350
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:14,778
Well, I don't...
That's really messed up.

351
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,808
- Super gay.
- All right, let's stop this madness.

352
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:21,247
- Let's just go get some dessert.
- I can't, I gotta go meet my counselor.

353
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:23,751
I'm picking out my classes
for next year.

354
00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:28,817
So I gotta sit and eat dessert alone,
like I'm fucking Steven Glanzberg?

355
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,961
I gue... Yeah, I mean,
what do you want me to do?

356
00:20:33,031 --> 00:20:35,090
I don't know. Nothing. It's fine.

357
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:39,533
- Just relax, man. I'll see you later.
- That's fine. I'll be fine.

358
00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:48,813
Hey, pussy.

359
00:20:49,014 --> 00:20:50,879
Fuck off.

360
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,778
Just the one. Just the one. Not both.

361
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,612
- So I'll call Andy and Greg.
- Okay.

362
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:57,288
And I'll bring the '80s dance music.

363
00:20:57,489 --> 00:20:59,081
- Yeah, yeah.
- Right on.

364
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,725
Seth! Hi. There you are.
We were just talking about you.

365
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,122
- Here I am.
- That's weird.

366
00:21:04,329 --> 00:21:07,059
So you're coming to my party tonight?
Because it's fully on.

367
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:10,326
Yeah, why? Should I not come?
Because I could think of other shit...

368
00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:13,026
Oh, no. No.
I want you to come, I just...

369
00:21:13,238 --> 00:21:16,469
You said something earlier about,
like, a fake ID or something, right?

370
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:19,235
Yeah, I'm gonna get one.
For sure, for sure.

371
00:21:19,444 --> 00:21:22,174
I'm getting that for sure.

372
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:24,913
Can you get us booze?

373
00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:29,684
Yeah. I can.
I can get you guys alcohol.

374
00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:31,412
- Really? Seriously?
- Yes, for sure.

375
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,181
That would be awesome.
Thank you.

376
00:21:33,392 --> 00:21:35,860
Because we were worried about that.
That would be great.

377
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:38,723
Plus, you know, you scratch
our backs, we'll scratch yours.

378
00:21:38,930 --> 00:21:40,955
Well, Jules, the funny thing
about my back...

379
00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:43,657
...is that it's located on my cock.

380
00:21:46,204 --> 00:21:48,172
So you do want alcohol?
You want some or no?

381
00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:50,568
You do or you don't?
You do want alcohol.

382
00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:52,107
- Yeah.
- Either way.

383
00:21:52,311 --> 00:21:54,302
- Well...
- Either way. Either way's fine.

384
00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:56,242
This is actually kind of a big favor.

385
00:21:56,448 --> 00:22:00,384
Because my parents left me like
100 bucks to feed myself for the week.

386
00:22:00,585 --> 00:22:03,782
But the house is full of food,
so I just thought I'd spend it all...

387
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:06,787
...on, you know,
extra drinks for the party, so...

388
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:10,120
That's really nice. I don't think
I've ever done anything that nice.

389
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,853
- It's cool?
- Yeah.

390
00:22:12,064 --> 00:22:13,224
- Okay. Thank you.
- Awesome.

391
00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:16,401
I mean, seriously, that's really...
That's nice of you. Thank you.

392
00:22:16,601 --> 00:22:20,230
So should I just get a shitload
of different shit?

393
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:23,371
Well, you gotta get me
some Kyle's Killer Lemonade.

394
00:22:23,575 --> 00:22:26,806
Kyle's Killer Lemonade. That's kind of
gay, but I can get it for you.

395
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,247
So... Okay, so then
we will see you tonight.

396
00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:31,279
Go to the ball, guys.

397
00:22:32,050 --> 00:22:34,211
Evan. Get into the game.

398
00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:36,686
Kick it over to me.

399
00:22:36,888 --> 00:22:38,947
Seth! Get off the field!

400
00:22:39,157 --> 00:22:41,318
Get out of here.
They're gonna make me run laps.

401
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:42,720
Just fucking listen, okay?

402
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:46,386
Jules and her stupid fucking friend
asked me to buy her alcohol.

403
00:22:46,598 --> 00:22:49,533
But not just her, for her whole party.
You know what that means?

404
00:22:49,735 --> 00:22:52,898
By some miracle, we were paired up
and she actually thought of me.

405
00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:55,801
Thought of me enough to decide
I was the guy she would trust...

406
00:22:56,007 --> 00:22:58,805
...with the whole fun-ness of her party.
She wants to fuck me.

407
00:22:59,010 --> 00:23:01,843
She wants my dick
in or around her mouth.

408
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,811
Did you think that maybe
she's using you to get her alcohol?

409
00:23:05,016 --> 00:23:07,541
- She doesn't want your dick.
- Of course I thought of that.

410
00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:09,744
The first thing that came
to my mind. Listen.

411
00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:12,048
My older brother always says
the nastiest shit.

412
00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:14,725
Like he called me "hymen"
until I was 12.

413
00:23:14,926 --> 00:23:16,416
Seth, I wanna blow you.

414
00:23:17,295 --> 00:23:18,557
She didn't say that. Come on.

415
00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:20,595
She didn't say the second part,
the first...

416
00:23:20,799 --> 00:23:23,199
She's got an older brother.
She could have asked him.

417
00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,994
She looked me in the eyes and said:

418
00:23:25,203 --> 00:23:28,934
"Seth, Mom is making a pubie salad.
I need some Seth's Own dressing."

419
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:31,507
She's D.T.F.
She's down to fuck, man.

420
00:23:31,710 --> 00:23:34,372
P in vagi.
She wants to fuck, man.

421
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:37,241
Tonight is the night
that fucking is an actual possibility.

422
00:23:37,449 --> 00:23:40,077
You sound like an idiot.
You're not gonna sleep with her.

423
00:23:40,285 --> 00:23:43,550
No. Dude, I know
I talk a lot of shit, okay?

424
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,349
But she's gonna be at the party
and she's gonna be drunk.

425
00:23:46,558 --> 00:23:49,959
She likes me at least a little.
At the very least, I'll make out with her.

426
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:52,153
Two weeks, handjob.
Month, blowjob. Whatever.

427
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:53,922
And then I make her my girlfriend.

428
00:23:54,132 --> 00:23:56,100
And I've got, like,
two solid months of sex.

429
00:23:56,301 --> 00:23:57,893
By the time college rolls around...

430
00:23:58,103 --> 00:24:00,367
...l'll be like the Iron Chef
of pounding vag.

431
00:24:00,572 --> 00:24:01,869
Can we talk about this later?

432
00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:04,007
What the fuck, Evan?
We're down two points.

433
00:24:04,209 --> 00:24:06,040
Fucking calm down, Greg.
It's soccer.

434
00:24:06,244 --> 00:24:07,836
- It's soccer.
- Fuck you, man.

435
00:24:08,046 --> 00:24:10,276
Hey, Greg, why don't you go
piss your pants again?

436
00:24:10,482 --> 00:24:13,007
- That was eight years ago, asshole.
- People don't forget.

437
00:24:13,218 --> 00:24:15,277
Do you wanna hear the best part?
Becca.

438
00:24:15,487 --> 00:24:17,284
You do the same thing with her.

439
00:24:17,489 --> 00:24:19,582
When you guys are shitfaced,
you get with her.

440
00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:22,555
This is our last party
as high school people.

441
00:24:22,761 --> 00:24:25,628
I've ignored my hatred for Becca
in coming up with this plan.

442
00:24:25,831 --> 00:24:28,595
I'm flexing nuts. Just fucking
come with me on this voyage...

443
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,358
...and stop being a pussy
for once...

444
00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:33,595
...and we can fucking
fuck some girls already.

445
00:24:34,206 --> 00:24:36,504
- I should buy Becca alcohol?
- Yeah, it'll be pimp.

446
00:24:36,708 --> 00:24:39,575
That way you know she'll be drunk.
You know when girls say:

447
00:24:39,778 --> 00:24:42,941
"I was so shitfaced last night.
I shouldn't have fucked that guy."

448
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:44,513
We could be that mistake!

449
00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:48,080
Have you talked to Fogell?

450
00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:51,187
All right, you talk to Becca.
I'll talk to that retard, Fogell.

451
00:24:51,389 --> 00:24:52,356
Don't worry.

452
00:24:52,557 --> 00:24:55,492
- Seth, get off the field!
- Goal.

453
00:24:55,694 --> 00:24:57,423
- You're getting that!
- No, I'm not!

454
00:25:01,399 --> 00:25:03,264
Hey, Becca. Hey, hold up.

455
00:25:03,468 --> 00:25:04,435
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

456
00:25:04,636 --> 00:25:07,036
Hi. Did you hear
about the party tonight?

457
00:25:07,239 --> 00:25:09,207
Yeah. Yeah, I just heard.
It sounds awesome.

458
00:25:09,407 --> 00:25:11,375
Yeah. Yeah, I'm going.

459
00:25:11,576 --> 00:25:12,907
- Really?
- Yeah, I'm gonna go.

460
00:25:13,111 --> 00:25:14,669
That's why I came looking for you.

461
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,041
Me and the guys are gonna
go to a liquor store.

462
00:25:17,249 --> 00:25:18,773
And I just thought, you know...

463
00:25:18,984 --> 00:25:21,646
...if you needed someone
to get you yours, I could do that.

464
00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:23,377
I could be that person.

465
00:25:23,588 --> 00:25:24,816
Yeah.

466
00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,513
Yeah, no, that would be great.

467
00:25:26,725 --> 00:25:30,058
That would save me such a hassle,
because I was gonna beg my sister.

468
00:25:30,262 --> 00:25:32,628
Could you get me, like,
a bottle of Goldslick Vodka?

469
00:25:32,831 --> 00:25:35,425
Yeah. That's the one
with the little golden flakes in it?

470
00:25:35,634 --> 00:25:38,296
- Yeah. The girly one.
- That's classy.

471
00:25:38,503 --> 00:25:40,232
Well, I'll pay you back at the party.

472
00:25:40,438 --> 00:25:42,167
No, you won't.
No, it's my treat, miss.

473
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:43,636
- Really?
- Yep. That's that.

474
00:25:43,842 --> 00:25:46,709
It's the first of many too,
so get used to it, sister.

475
00:25:46,912 --> 00:25:49,107
Well, thank you.

476
00:25:49,314 --> 00:25:51,145
Yeah, no problem.

477
00:25:58,123 --> 00:26:00,353
- I'm sorry. It was an accident.
- It's okay.

478
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:03,153
I was gonna give you a nudge...
A punch, the friend thing.

479
00:26:03,361 --> 00:26:04,385
I didn't mean...

480
00:26:04,596 --> 00:26:06,029
- Hey, Becca.
- Hey.

481
00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:07,255
- Hey.
- Gaby.

482
00:26:07,465 --> 00:26:08,659
- What's up, Evan?
- Hey, Gaby.

483
00:26:08,867 --> 00:26:10,698
- We should get to class.
- We're gonna go.

484
00:26:10,902 --> 00:26:12,460
- So I will see you tonight.
- Okay.

485
00:26:12,671 --> 00:26:14,229
- Really, don't worry.
- Okay. Sorry.

486
00:26:14,439 --> 00:26:16,498
- Bye.
- Sorry.

487
00:26:16,708 --> 00:26:18,039
Bye.

488
00:26:19,544 --> 00:26:21,171
Sorry.

489
00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:31,420
Where's that sack of shit, Fogell?
He said he'd be here.

490
00:26:31,623 --> 00:26:33,056
I'm here with my thumb up my ass.

491
00:26:33,258 --> 00:26:35,249
I did it, dude.
I even offered to pay for it.

492
00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:37,325
It was pimp.
I feel like a pimp right now.

493
00:26:37,529 --> 00:26:40,157
- Like one of those pimps.
- That is fucking pimp.

494
00:26:40,365 --> 00:26:43,528
- That's what I was afraid of.
- Why didn't I think of that? Shit.

495
00:26:45,804 --> 00:26:47,101
Sh... We're screwed.

496
00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:48,567
- Okay? We're screwed.
- Okay.

497
00:26:48,773 --> 00:26:50,798
This is what we get
for trusting Fogell, okay?

498
00:26:51,009 --> 00:26:53,170
He pussied out.
I know he pussied out.

499
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:55,580
What are you making?

500
00:26:56,114 --> 00:27:00,517
I'm just drilling holes.
The last two weeks. Fuck it.

501
00:27:00,986 --> 00:27:03,477
What do we tell the girls,
we couldn't do the one thing...

502
00:27:03,688 --> 00:27:05,849
...we promised because
we're dickless incompetents?

503
00:27:06,057 --> 00:27:09,151
Now we're never gonna bone
because of that used tampon, Fogell.

504
00:27:09,361 --> 00:27:13,058
How'd he get into Dartmouth?
I don't get it. He's got shit for brains.

505
00:27:13,264 --> 00:27:15,164
All right,
how else can we get alcohol?

506
00:27:15,367 --> 00:27:18,097
- Yo, guys! What's up?
- Fogell, where have you been, man?

507
00:27:18,303 --> 00:27:20,168
You almost gave me
a goddamn heart attack.

508
00:27:20,372 --> 00:27:23,569
- Let me see it. Did you pussy out?
- No, no, man. I got it.

509
00:27:23,775 --> 00:27:25,834
It's flawless. Check it.

510
00:27:26,044 --> 00:27:27,238
Hawaii?

511
00:27:27,445 --> 00:27:30,073
All right, that's good.
It's hard to trace, I guess.

512
00:27:30,281 --> 00:27:33,648
Wait, you changed your name
to McLovin?

513
00:27:34,185 --> 00:27:36,483
- Yeah.
- McLovin?

514
00:27:37,555 --> 00:27:40,649
What kind of a stupid name is that?
Are you an Irish R and B singer?

515
00:27:40,859 --> 00:27:43,191
They let you pick any name you want
when you're there.

516
00:27:43,395 --> 00:27:44,987
And you landed on McLovin?

517
00:27:45,196 --> 00:27:47,357
Yeah, it was between that
or Mohammad.

518
00:27:47,565 --> 00:27:49,726
Why the fuck would it be
between that or Mohammad?

519
00:27:49,934 --> 00:27:51,925
Why not just pick
a common name?

520
00:27:52,137 --> 00:27:55,265
Mohammad is the most common name
on earth. Read a fucking book.

521
00:27:55,473 --> 00:27:57,270
Have you ever met anyone
named Mohammad?

522
00:27:57,475 --> 00:27:59,272
Have you ever met anyone
named McLovin?

523
00:27:59,477 --> 00:28:01,570
No, that's why you picked
a dumb fucking name.

524
00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:03,042
- Fuck you.
- Give me that.

525
00:28:03,248 --> 00:28:06,649
All right. You look like a future
pedophile in this picture, number one.

526
00:28:06,851 --> 00:28:09,945
Number two, it doesn't even have
a first name. It just says McLovin!

527
00:28:10,155 --> 00:28:11,247
What? One name?

528
00:28:11,456 --> 00:28:14,016
One name? Who are you, Seal?

529
00:28:14,225 --> 00:28:16,523
Fogell, this ID says
you're 25 years old.

530
00:28:16,728 --> 00:28:18,286
Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?

531
00:28:18,496 --> 00:28:20,521
Seth, Seth, Seth.
Listen up, ass-face.

532
00:28:20,732 --> 00:28:24,224
Every day, hundreds of kids go into
the liquor store with their fake IDs...

533
00:28:24,436 --> 00:28:26,233
...and every single one
says they're 21.

534
00:28:26,438 --> 00:28:28,167
How many 21 -year-olds
are in this town?

535
00:28:28,373 --> 00:28:29,772
It's called fucking strategy.

536
00:28:29,974 --> 00:28:32,135
Let's stay calm, okay?
Let's not lose our heads.

537
00:28:32,343 --> 00:28:35,471
It's a fine ID. It'll... It's gonna work.
It's passable, okay?

538
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,205
This isn't terrible.
I mean, it's up to you, Fogell.

539
00:28:38,416 --> 00:28:40,941
This guy's gonna think,
"Here's a kid with a fake ID"...

540
00:28:41,152 --> 00:28:45,384
...or "Here's McLovin, the 25-year-old
Hawaiian organ donor."

541
00:28:45,590 --> 00:28:47,751
Okay? So, what's it gonna be?

542
00:28:48,293 --> 00:28:49,783
I am McLovin.

543
00:28:50,795 --> 00:28:53,457
No, you're not. No one's McLovin.
McLovin's never existed...

544
00:28:53,665 --> 00:28:57,032
...because that's a made-up, dumb,
fucking fairy-tale name, you fuck!

545
00:28:57,235 --> 00:28:59,567
Jeez, man. It'll work.
Give it a chance.

546
00:28:59,771 --> 00:29:01,136
Did you move my...?

547
00:29:01,339 --> 00:29:02,601
Where is my car?

548
00:29:02,807 --> 00:29:04,206
Oh, my God, man.

549
00:29:04,409 --> 00:29:06,775
What did I say to you?
I told you not to park here.

550
00:29:06,978 --> 00:29:09,378
Why would you park
in the staff parking lot?

551
00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:10,878
Shut the fuck up, Fogell.

552
00:29:11,082 --> 00:29:13,642
I mean, because you're not staff.

553
00:29:13,852 --> 00:29:17,379
I know that, Fagell! I know that!

554
00:29:19,791 --> 00:29:21,656
Evan, let's go to your house.

555
00:29:22,794 --> 00:29:25,422
Wait, are you guys
still picking me up from work?

556
00:29:26,831 --> 00:29:28,423
Can you answer me?

557
00:29:32,237 --> 00:29:34,967
Man, don't you have
any non-infant clothes?

558
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:37,007
- It'll be fine.
- Yeah.

559
00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:39,369
Why don't you just wear
what you wore to school?

560
00:29:39,577 --> 00:29:42,637
I can't do that. I can't let Jules
see me in what I wore to school.

561
00:29:42,847 --> 00:29:44,280
It's completely unbecoming.

562
00:29:44,482 --> 00:29:47,883
No one's gotten a handjob
in cargo shorts since Nam.

563
00:29:48,086 --> 00:29:50,953
I have to kill these guys.
You don't negotiate with terrorists.

564
00:29:51,156 --> 00:29:53,989
Really? Yeah, that's what
we should be talking about right now.

565
00:29:54,192 --> 00:29:56,660
Then why don't you go
and get some of your own clothes?

566
00:29:56,861 --> 00:29:58,226
That's the dumbest thing ever.

567
00:29:58,429 --> 00:30:01,557
My parents will see that my car's
been towed and I'll be grounded.

568
00:30:01,766 --> 00:30:03,893
These fucking terrorists
multiply like bunnies.

569
00:30:04,102 --> 00:30:05,399
Where did I leave the M16?

570
00:30:05,603 --> 00:30:09,004
Do you have any bigger clothes
or do you only shop at babyGap?

571
00:30:09,207 --> 00:30:11,437
Fuck me. I can't...

572
00:30:12,010 --> 00:30:14,240
That's fun.
Why do they make that?

573
00:30:14,445 --> 00:30:17,505
If you can't even win,
then why am I fucking playing?

574
00:30:17,715 --> 00:30:19,478
Do you wanna go see
what my dad has?

575
00:30:43,308 --> 00:30:45,071
<i>What the fuck?</i>

576
00:30:48,613 --> 00:30:49,705
What the hell is that?

577
00:30:49,914 --> 00:30:51,848
It's a fucking vest, dumbass.

578
00:30:52,050 --> 00:30:54,518
- I'm trying to look older.
- You look like Pinocchio.

579
00:30:54,719 --> 00:30:57,210
- It's just a vest.
- They got a lot of booze in there.

580
00:30:57,422 --> 00:31:00,391
If we get it now, we can get
to the party faster with Jules' shit.

581
00:31:00,592 --> 00:31:02,787
No way, man. I work there.
They know I'm not 25.

582
00:31:02,994 --> 00:31:05,019
Nobody said anything about you,
dick-mouth.

583
00:31:05,230 --> 00:31:07,255
You really fucked me on this one.

584
00:31:07,465 --> 00:31:09,262
So now I'm gonna steal the booze.

585
00:31:09,467 --> 00:31:12,231
Don't do this.
I promise you I'll get the liquor later.

586
00:31:12,437 --> 00:31:14,735
Mike Snider's ID always works.
So will mine, man.

587
00:31:14,939 --> 00:31:18,375
Mike Snider's ID doesn't have
one fucking name on it! Okay?

588
00:31:18,576 --> 00:31:22,171
I thought you Dartmouth guys would
be smart enough to understand that.

589
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,046
Now Seth's gotta
pick up all the pieces.

590
00:31:25,250 --> 00:31:26,911
He won't do it. Don't worry.

591
00:31:27,118 --> 00:31:30,315
I forgot to tell you, my mom said we
can have the TV from the basement...

592
00:31:30,521 --> 00:31:32,216
Shut the fuck up,
he's gonna hear you.

593
00:31:32,423 --> 00:31:34,220
Just be quiet.
Wait until he goes away.

594
00:31:34,425 --> 00:31:36,985
You still haven't told him
that we're rooming together?

595
00:31:37,195 --> 00:31:38,628
Fogell, shut the fuck up.

596
00:31:38,830 --> 00:31:40,923
And take off your vest.
You look like Aladdin.

597
00:31:41,132 --> 00:31:43,828
Okay. You got it.

598
00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:54,602
Hope piggy can run.

599
00:32:10,862 --> 00:32:12,352
How old are you?

600
00:32:12,563 --> 00:32:14,121
Twenty-two.

601
00:32:14,632 --> 00:32:17,260
You certainly are.
That'll be 80 dollars.

602
00:32:17,835 --> 00:32:19,564
Okay.

603
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:22,069
Thank you kindly. Will that do?

604
00:32:22,273 --> 00:32:24,468
Certainly will. Thank you, Seth.

605
00:32:24,676 --> 00:32:26,644
Hey, thank you.

606
00:32:37,255 --> 00:32:38,688
You dropped your purse, ma'am.

607
00:32:38,890 --> 00:32:40,323
Would you like some help?

608
00:32:40,525 --> 00:32:42,720
Well, that would be lovely,
young man.

609
00:32:42,927 --> 00:32:46,021
Would you like me
to buy you alcohol?

610
00:32:46,531 --> 00:32:48,522
That would be lovely.

611
00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:51,293
- Enjoy your remaining years.
- I will.

612
00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:54,801
- Enjoy fucking Jules.
- I will.

613
00:33:13,091 --> 00:33:14,752
Don't do it, kid.

614
00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:20,898
I never had a choice.

615
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:30,871
You fucking killed her!

616
00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:32,910
No!

617
00:33:43,254 --> 00:33:46,223
Where's all the stolen liquor?
Did you hide it up your butt?

618
00:33:46,424 --> 00:33:49,222
Piss off! I was gonna do it,
but there was a security breach.

619
00:33:49,427 --> 00:33:50,655
You never would've done it.

620
00:33:50,862 --> 00:33:54,093
Let's go to a liquor store
and watch your stupid ID get rejected.

621
00:33:54,298 --> 00:33:56,732
Wait, I'm gonna go put my vest
back in my locker.

622
00:34:23,828 --> 00:34:25,455
All right. Here we are. This is it.

623
00:34:25,663 --> 00:34:26,960
- You ready? Yeah?
- Yeah.

624
00:34:28,199 --> 00:34:31,566
- Here's the money and the list.
- Change is yours. Keep the change.

625
00:34:31,769 --> 00:34:34,829
- Thank you. What's the list for?
- The alcohol.

626
00:34:35,039 --> 00:34:37,940
We're gonna get alcohol
for the whole party, okay?

627
00:34:38,142 --> 00:34:40,804
We put a lot of time into this list,
so don't fuck it up.

628
00:34:41,012 --> 00:34:41,979
It's perfect.

629
00:34:42,180 --> 00:34:45,513
Ouzo, bourbon,
spiced rum, Goldslick...

630
00:34:45,716 --> 00:34:48,184
Goldslick Vodka. That's for Becca.
Don't forget that.

631
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:51,119
Raspberry vodka, Scotch...

632
00:34:51,322 --> 00:34:53,085
And Kyle's Killer Lemonade.
A six-pack.

633
00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:56,192
This is a lot. I don't know
if I can get away with all this.

634
00:34:56,394 --> 00:34:57,793
What difference does it make?

635
00:34:57,995 --> 00:35:01,362
I don't know, man.
I'm, like, really nervous.

636
00:35:01,966 --> 00:35:04,434
- Are you okay?
- No, man. I should have wore the vest.

637
00:35:04,635 --> 00:35:06,967
- Calm down.
- What the fuck are you doing?

638
00:35:07,171 --> 00:35:09,036
What if I go in
and they turn me down, man?

639
00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,105
Then we're in the same place
we're in now.

640
00:35:11,309 --> 00:35:13,004
- Who cares?
- It's fucking humiliating!

641
00:35:13,211 --> 00:35:15,008
Everybody sees them
kicking me out.

642
00:35:15,213 --> 00:35:18,307
What if they make me
put the liquor back? I can't do that.

643
00:35:18,516 --> 00:35:20,882
This whole thing
is bigger than you, Fogell!

644
00:35:21,085 --> 00:35:24,452
So grow a pair of nuts and fucking
walk in there and buy the alcohol!

645
00:35:24,989 --> 00:35:27,184
What if I don't feel like it
anymore, Seth? What?

646
00:35:27,391 --> 00:35:29,188
Then I'll fucking kill you, okay?

647
00:35:29,393 --> 00:35:31,361
I'll stab you
through your fucking heart.

648
00:35:31,562 --> 00:35:33,052
No, you can do this, man.
Come on.

649
00:35:33,264 --> 00:35:36,131
Killing me won't get you alcohol.
I'm the one with the fake ID.

650
00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:38,325
Then I'll cut
your dumb fucking face off...

651
00:35:38,536 --> 00:35:41,630
...throw it over mine and get your ID
and buy it my fucking self!

652
00:35:41,839 --> 00:35:44,706
Oh, really? You don't have
the technology or the steady hands...

653
00:35:44,909 --> 00:35:46,877
...to pull off a procedure like that,
so ha!

654
00:35:47,078 --> 00:35:48,568
Peace.

655
00:35:49,213 --> 00:35:51,738
Fogell, just be cool, man.
Get in and get out.

656
00:35:51,949 --> 00:35:52,916
You're the hero.

657
00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,187
Sorry.

658
00:36:27,318 --> 00:36:28,945
Is there a problem here, sir?

659
00:36:29,153 --> 00:36:32,486
No. No problem whatsoever.

660
00:36:35,693 --> 00:36:38,355
Sir, did you do this? On the floor?

661
00:36:38,563 --> 00:36:40,030
No.

662
00:36:40,231 --> 00:36:41,858
And you should really clean this up.

663
00:36:42,066 --> 00:36:44,227
Someone could really
hurt themselves.

664
00:36:46,003 --> 00:36:47,868
Fuck my life.

665
00:36:48,472 --> 00:36:49,905
We're so fucked.
We're so fucked.

666
00:36:50,107 --> 00:36:51,938
This plan's been fucked
since Jump Street.

667
00:36:52,143 --> 00:36:54,737
Okay, just calm down.
Just calm down, all right?

668
00:36:55,279 --> 00:36:58,009
Hey, so did you bring a condom
for tonight?

669
00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:00,150
You brought a condom with you?

670
00:37:00,351 --> 00:37:02,216
Yeah. I figured
I might as well, you know?

671
00:37:02,420 --> 00:37:04,945
I brought a little bottle
of spermicidal lube too.

672
00:37:07,558 --> 00:37:10,322
You laughed in my face
when I said I'd be having sex tonight.

673
00:37:10,528 --> 00:37:12,826
That doesn't mean
you shouldn't always be prepared.

674
00:37:13,030 --> 00:37:15,328
- You didn't even bring a condom?
- No.

675
00:37:15,533 --> 00:37:17,330
No, Evan,
that wasn't part of the plan.

676
00:37:17,535 --> 00:37:19,560
You did this
without consulting with me.

677
00:37:19,770 --> 00:37:23,433
We've never discussed, like, any plan,
but you keep saying we have a plan.

678
00:37:23,641 --> 00:37:26,576
I had, like, a general outline.
You know?

679
00:37:26,777 --> 00:37:29,575
I was gonna go down on her
for, like, several hours, okay?

680
00:37:29,780 --> 00:37:32,681
She would love that. She'd be smitten.
She'd go out with that.

681
00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:34,578
Or I dry hump the shit out of her leg.

682
00:37:34,785 --> 00:37:37,811
Well, I just... I don't see the harm
in bringing one little condom.

683
00:37:38,022 --> 00:37:40,149
And one little bottle
of spermicidal lube?

684
00:37:40,358 --> 00:37:42,792
Yeah, one little bottle
of spermicidal lube.

685
00:37:42,994 --> 00:37:45,792
- Evan, that's psycho shit, man.
- No, it's not.

686
00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:47,624
That's, like, Charles Manson shit.

687
00:37:47,832 --> 00:37:50,926
What, do you think Becca's gonna be
psyched that you brought lube?

688
00:37:51,135 --> 00:37:54,536
"Oh, Evan. Thank you for bringing
that lube for my pussy.

689
00:37:54,739 --> 00:37:57,833
I never would've been able to handle
your fucking 4-inch dick...

690
00:37:58,042 --> 00:38:01,136
...inside my pussy
without that gigantic bottle of lube."

691
00:38:01,345 --> 00:38:02,972
- Okay, that's... That's enough.
- Fuck.

692
00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:05,808
These girls are 18,
they're not dried-up old ladies.

693
00:38:06,017 --> 00:38:08,008
- They're good to go.
- Then I won't bring the lube.

694
00:38:08,219 --> 00:38:11,188
Don't make me feel like that.
I thought it was cool.

695
00:38:11,389 --> 00:38:13,687
- This is a nice kind.
- Let me see that for a second.

696
00:38:13,891 --> 00:38:15,882
- An impressive kind.
- It is kind of cool.

697
00:38:16,093 --> 00:38:17,788
- That's cool.
- Fucking dumbass. Lube?

698
00:38:17,995 --> 00:38:19,360
- That's funny.
- You brought lube?

699
00:38:19,563 --> 00:38:22,794
You owe me 6 bucks because I'm not
walking over to get it and it exploded.

700
00:38:24,502 --> 00:38:26,697
Hello, Mindy.

701
00:38:39,417 --> 00:38:41,977
I love that stuff.
Been drinking it for years.

702
00:38:43,387 --> 00:38:47,721
You know, I heard they recently
decided to add more hops to it.

703
00:38:51,996 --> 00:38:53,190
Okay.

704
00:38:53,397 --> 00:38:55,888
I'm gonna need to see
some identification.

705
00:38:58,069 --> 00:38:59,366
Really?

706
00:38:59,570 --> 00:39:01,800
Makes me feel young again.
There you go.

707
00:39:04,475 --> 00:39:06,670
Oh, shit, it's Cary Hutchins.

708
00:39:09,347 --> 00:39:11,315
She had the biggest tits
I've ever seen.

709
00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:13,346
I heard she got
breast-reduction surgery.

710
00:39:13,551 --> 00:39:15,212
What? Making your tits smaller?

711
00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:18,479
That's like slapping God
for giving you a gorgeous gift.

712
00:39:18,689 --> 00:39:19,951
She had back problems, man.

713
00:39:20,157 --> 00:39:23,251
And it's not just making them smaller.
They completely reshape them.

714
00:39:23,461 --> 00:39:25,395
They make them
more supple and symmetrical.

715
00:39:26,163 --> 00:39:28,063
I gotta catch a glimpse
of these warlocks.

716
00:39:28,265 --> 00:39:29,823
Let's make a move.

717
00:39:31,402 --> 00:39:33,233
- She's going around the corner.
- Come on!

718
00:39:39,643 --> 00:39:42,578
Okay. Your total is 96.59.

719
00:39:52,523 --> 00:39:53,785
I don't believe it!

720
00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:56,750
Are you okay, mister?

721
00:39:57,561 --> 00:39:59,688
What the shit was that?

722
00:40:01,232 --> 00:40:04,258
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.

723
00:40:05,770 --> 00:40:07,101
I don't believe it.

724
00:40:07,304 --> 00:40:09,670
I don't know, man.
I think she looked better before.

725
00:40:09,874 --> 00:40:13,275
But now that she can jog comfortably,
she's in the best shape she's ever...

726
00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,410
What is this? What's that?

727
00:40:21,152 --> 00:40:22,414
Oh, man.

728
00:40:27,658 --> 00:40:29,216
Holy shit, they busted Fogell.

729
00:40:30,327 --> 00:40:32,227
How did this happen, Evan?
Fuck, man!

730
00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:33,920
His dad's gonna fucking kill him.

731
00:40:34,131 --> 00:40:35,291
Look, okay?

732
00:40:35,499 --> 00:40:38,900
He assaulted the customer,
grabbed the cash and ran out.

733
00:40:39,103 --> 00:40:40,070
So...

734
00:40:40,271 --> 00:40:41,898
- How...?
- How...? How...? How...?

735
00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:45,507
- Say when, height-wise.
- I'm gonna start up here, tell me when.

736
00:40:45,709 --> 00:40:47,939
- I'll start on the bottom and...
- When.

737
00:40:48,145 --> 00:40:50,170
Whatever 5'10" is,
he was 5'10".

738
00:40:50,381 --> 00:40:53,043
Ethnically, I mean, did... What...?

739
00:40:54,251 --> 00:40:58,813
I mean, was he...?
Was he like us, or...?

740
00:41:00,191 --> 00:41:01,488
A woman?

741
00:41:01,692 --> 00:41:02,716
- Female?
- No.

742
00:41:02,927 --> 00:41:05,418
- Is that what you're asking?
- No, no. Was he...?

743
00:41:05,629 --> 00:41:06,596
- Like...
- What? What?

744
00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:07,764
- African?
- Af... Af...

745
00:41:07,965 --> 00:41:09,489
- Was he African?
- African.

746
00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:11,759
No. He was American,
and he was like you.

747
00:41:11,969 --> 00:41:14,836
- He looked just like you.
- He was Jewish. Okay, Jew.

748
00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:17,530
- It's an odd crime for a Jew.
- They're pretty docile.

749
00:41:17,741 --> 00:41:21,336
Okay, so we have an African Jew
wearing a hoodie.

750
00:41:21,545 --> 00:41:25,072
No, you don't. No. That's not what
I said. Is that what you heard me say?

751
00:41:25,282 --> 00:41:28,080
I said he looked like you.
Do you look like an African Jew?

752
00:41:28,953 --> 00:41:31,114
- No, I look like a cop.
- Yeah.

753
00:41:32,456 --> 00:41:34,651
He was Caucasian.

754
00:41:34,859 --> 00:41:36,622
- Caucasian.
- All right.

755
00:41:36,827 --> 00:41:37,794
- Okay.
- Well, touch�.

756
00:41:37,995 --> 00:41:40,327
Kind of looked like Eminem.
Does that help you?

757
00:41:40,531 --> 00:41:41,498
- An MandM.
- An MandM.

758
00:41:41,699 --> 00:41:44,395
- So he was circular...?
- Marshall Mathers. Eminem?

759
00:41:44,602 --> 00:41:47,799
- The rapper, Eminem.
- Did he look like this?

760
00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:50,830
- I'm an amateur. I kind of...
- That looks like an MandM.

761
00:41:51,041 --> 00:41:55,410
Longer face? Bigger nose?
Would you say his mouth was wider?

762
00:41:55,613 --> 00:41:56,978
Open? A gap?

763
00:41:57,181 --> 00:42:02,016
Is there another squad car in the area
that could be of further assistance?

764
00:42:02,219 --> 00:42:03,846
I don't seem to be getting any.

765
00:42:04,054 --> 00:42:06,955
Okay, so just walk me through again
what this guy did.

766
00:42:07,157 --> 00:42:10,217
He... He... He came in, he's wielding...

767
00:42:10,427 --> 00:42:14,693
He's wielding something. He hits
this small gentleman in the slacks.

768
00:42:14,899 --> 00:42:17,925
And then he jumps over you,
he feels you up, violates you.

769
00:42:18,135 --> 00:42:19,796
- I did not say that.
- No, he doesn't.

770
00:42:20,004 --> 00:42:23,633
Look, I can't do this. I told you already,
I have an exam tomorrow.

771
00:42:23,841 --> 00:42:27,174
Can you understand that?
I have a goddamn veterinary exam!

772
00:42:28,746 --> 00:42:30,509
Goddamn it. This is bullshit.

773
00:42:30,714 --> 00:42:33,444
This is some bullshit.
I got an exam tomorrow. Forget this.

774
00:42:33,651 --> 00:42:35,516
Well, apparently someone
has an exam.

775
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:37,380
How'd you know?

776
00:42:38,255 --> 00:42:39,882
You. You're the one
that got punched?

777
00:42:40,090 --> 00:42:41,717
- Yeah.
- Okay.

778
00:42:41,926 --> 00:42:44,292
First things first.
What is your name?

779
00:42:48,165 --> 00:42:49,894
My name?

780
00:42:50,100 --> 00:42:53,900
It's M... McLov... McLovin.

781
00:42:54,505 --> 00:42:55,972
McLovin?

782
00:42:56,173 --> 00:42:57,538
Yeah.

783
00:42:58,609 --> 00:43:00,099
Now, what's your first name?

784
00:43:00,311 --> 00:43:01,505
What?

785
00:43:01,712 --> 00:43:03,543
- Your first name?
- My first name?

786
00:43:04,815 --> 00:43:09,479
Technically I don't have a first name,
so don't worry about my first name.

787
00:43:10,554 --> 00:43:12,715
But we're the police.

788
00:43:12,923 --> 00:43:14,754
We just wanna get
the story straight.

789
00:43:16,293 --> 00:43:17,453
- Come on.
- Fuck, man.

790
00:43:17,661 --> 00:43:20,061
- Come on!
- He must be so afraid.

791
00:43:20,264 --> 00:43:23,233
I don't believe this bullshit.
I can't believe this is happening!

792
00:43:23,434 --> 00:43:26,926
I didn't know you could get arrested
for this shit. We need that liquor.

793
00:43:27,137 --> 00:43:29,765
- Are they gonna take him downtown?
- Fuck Fogell.

794
00:43:29,974 --> 00:43:31,805
He got arrested, okay?
We're on our own.

795
00:43:32,009 --> 00:43:33,533
We need a new way to get liq...

796
00:43:33,744 --> 00:43:37,339
Fuck! The money, man! Fuck!
How much money can you get?

797
00:43:37,548 --> 00:43:39,709
Why are you talking about money?
What about Fogell?

798
00:43:39,917 --> 00:43:43,580
That doesn't matter anymore. I lost
a hundred dollars of Jules' money.

799
00:43:43,787 --> 00:43:47,348
Are we gonna bust him out of jail?
Bake a cake with a fucking file in it?

800
00:43:47,558 --> 00:43:51,619
Fuck Fogell. We need a new way to
get liquor, which is fucking impossible.

801
00:43:51,829 --> 00:43:54,730
All right, you need to calm down.
We need to think for a second.

802
00:43:54,932 --> 00:43:57,696
- We need to think this out.
- Fuck thinking, we need to act!

803
00:44:00,037 --> 00:44:01,265
Seth!

804
00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:04,305
- What the fuck happened?
- Just... Just get up. Slowly.

805
00:44:04,508 --> 00:44:07,272
You all right? You okay?

806
00:44:07,478 --> 00:44:10,413
I am so sorry, man. I am so sorry.

807
00:44:10,614 --> 00:44:14,607
I didn't even effing see you at all, man.
Are you okay?

808
00:44:14,818 --> 00:44:18,219
So it's just McLovin?

809
00:44:18,422 --> 00:44:19,980
Yeah.

810
00:44:20,758 --> 00:44:22,953
- That's badass.
- That is badass.

811
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:24,388
- Really cool.
- A badass name.

812
00:44:24,595 --> 00:44:27,291
- Lot of people with weird names.
- Chingy. Shakira.

813
00:44:27,498 --> 00:44:28,931
Rafe. Pax.

814
00:44:29,133 --> 00:44:32,261
We arrested a man-lady
who was legally named "Fuck."

815
00:44:32,469 --> 00:44:34,334
Think he was Vietnamese,
it was with a P-H.

816
00:44:34,538 --> 00:44:36,506
But it's still shocking
to see on a license.

817
00:44:36,707 --> 00:44:40,234
- Okay, and how old are you, McLovin?
- Old enough.

818
00:44:41,645 --> 00:44:43,112
Old enough for what?

819
00:44:45,582 --> 00:44:47,482
To party.

820
00:44:51,822 --> 00:44:53,687
Can I see your ID?

821
00:44:54,258 --> 00:44:56,317
Yeah, I think I have it.

822
00:45:20,851 --> 00:45:24,014
- You're an organ donor.
- What?

823
00:45:24,221 --> 00:45:25,916
I didn't wanna, but my wife insisted.

824
00:45:26,123 --> 00:45:27,886
I give him shit for it too. All the time.

825
00:45:28,092 --> 00:45:31,118
I say, "It's just like a woman.
Even after you're dead...

826
00:45:31,328 --> 00:45:34,388
...they wanna tear your heart out."
- They wanna tear your...

827
00:45:34,598 --> 00:45:37,362
- I say it weekly and it's still funny.
- It still makes me laugh.

828
00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:39,001
- Really funny.
- There you go.

829
00:45:39,203 --> 00:45:42,297
I'm sorry, guys.
I don't really have any information.

830
00:45:42,506 --> 00:45:45,066
He just hit me,
and I didn't see what he looked like.

831
00:45:45,275 --> 00:45:47,641
- I don't know if I can help you.
- You in a hurry?

832
00:45:47,845 --> 00:45:49,870
Yeah, kind of had to catch that bus.

833
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:53,777
- Where were you headed?
- Near 13th and Granville.

834
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:57,383
- We can take you there.
- Get your information on the way.

835
00:45:57,588 --> 00:45:59,852
- Why waste 2 bucks?
- We'll take you. No problem.

836
00:46:00,057 --> 00:46:03,686
Please don't report me, man.
We can figure this out, right?

837
00:46:03,894 --> 00:46:06,488
Why the fuck wouldn't I report you?
You just hit me.

838
00:46:08,532 --> 00:46:10,523
Because I'll do anything.

839
00:46:10,734 --> 00:46:13,225
Please, okay? Anything.
Like, literally...

840
00:46:13,437 --> 00:46:14,870
...fucking anything.

841
00:46:15,072 --> 00:46:18,667
Name anything. Name it. Name it.

842
00:46:19,743 --> 00:46:22,507
All right, look. Hey, man. All right.

843
00:46:22,713 --> 00:46:24,146
Listen, you can trust me, okay?

844
00:46:24,815 --> 00:46:27,579
I'm gonna be totally honest with you.

845
00:46:29,019 --> 00:46:31,419
I have a warrant out
for a totally nonviolent crime.

846
00:46:31,622 --> 00:46:35,353
Okay? There. Mercy Street, guys.

847
00:46:35,559 --> 00:46:37,254
I'll be honest with you for a second.

848
00:46:37,461 --> 00:46:39,691
You better get us a shitload of cash
or a shitload of alcohol...

849
00:46:39,897 --> 00:46:41,558
...or you're going to fucking prison.

850
00:46:41,765 --> 00:46:43,858
What are you doing, man?
You don't need to...

851
00:46:44,067 --> 00:46:46,035
No, let's not...
Let's hang on a second here.

852
00:46:46,236 --> 00:46:47,294
- Cough it up.
- Fine.

853
00:46:47,504 --> 00:46:49,335
Don't know if we should be
doing anything official.

854
00:46:49,573 --> 00:46:52,474
We're working together. It's like
<i>Let's Make a Deal</i>. Here we go.

855
00:46:53,377 --> 00:46:54,776
Seven bucks?

856
00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:58,038
Are you fucking serious? This isn't
enough. What are you, a 6-year-old?

857
00:46:58,315 --> 00:47:01,944
- It's all I have, man. It's all I have.
- You better think of something quickly.

858
00:47:02,152 --> 00:47:06,111
- My back! My back. Cops, my back.
- No, no, no. Wait, don't do that.

859
00:47:06,323 --> 00:47:08,587
All right, listen.
I can get you alcohol.

860
00:47:08,792 --> 00:47:10,953
I'm going over to this party
right now, bro. Okay?

861
00:47:11,161 --> 00:47:15,097
It's got booze, it's got girls.
Booze and girls equals...

862
00:47:15,299 --> 00:47:17,494
I don't know. Do you?
I don't know. Do you?

863
00:47:17,701 --> 00:47:20,636
- I think you do. Do you?
- Yes. That's a definite yes.

864
00:47:20,838 --> 00:47:21,805
Definite yes, then.

865
00:47:22,005 --> 00:47:24,337
- Give me one sec to talk to him.
- Stay right here.

866
00:47:24,541 --> 00:47:27,840
Yeah, yeah. Do what you gotta do.
Mix it over. I'll be over by the car.

867
00:47:28,045 --> 00:47:31,014
Just talk it out. Hey, I'm a nice guy.

868
00:47:31,815 --> 00:47:33,942
- Come on, it's great.
- What are you thinking?

869
00:47:34,151 --> 00:47:35,618
- What are you doing?
- What?

870
00:47:35,819 --> 00:47:38,219
I lost Jules' money,
Fogell's dead to us now...

871
00:47:38,422 --> 00:47:40,014
...we don't have any choice.
Let's go.

872
00:47:40,224 --> 00:47:43,193
I don't like this idea. This guy's
fucking creepy, man. Look at him.

873
00:47:43,393 --> 00:47:46,157
What? He looks like a guy.
That's what guys look like.

874
00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:48,991
- What is your problem?
- You guys know a guy named Jimmy?

875
00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:51,429
You totally look like his brother.

876
00:47:51,635 --> 00:47:54,069
You totally
look like his brother, man.

877
00:47:54,271 --> 00:47:55,829
You do.

878
00:47:57,541 --> 00:47:59,338
You promised Becca
you'd get her alcohol.

879
00:47:59,543 --> 00:48:01,511
If you don't, she's gonna have
a shitty night.

880
00:48:01,712 --> 00:48:03,680
That's all I'm saying. Come on.

881
00:48:04,481 --> 00:48:06,449
We bingo, bango, ready to go, go?

882
00:48:07,050 --> 00:48:09,575
- Good luck on your exam tomorrow.
- Good luck on your exam.

883
00:48:09,786 --> 00:48:12,687
- You don't wanna ride the bus.
- Buses smell like piss, generally.

884
00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:13,857
- You know why?
- Why?

885
00:48:14,057 --> 00:48:15,649
People piss on them.

886
00:48:21,798 --> 00:48:26,758
You know, one of you bros could've
come up and sat up with me.

887
00:48:26,970 --> 00:48:28,665
- We're fine back here.
- Back's fine.

888
00:48:28,872 --> 00:48:30,806
Safe in the back seat.

889
00:48:34,278 --> 00:48:35,336
- Oh, my God.
- What's up?

890
00:48:36,713 --> 00:48:39,307
- Hey, Jules.
- Who is it? Who's on the phone?

891
00:48:39,516 --> 00:48:40,983
Seth. Hey, where are you?

892
00:48:41,184 --> 00:48:44,642
I'm in a cab right now,
on the way to a liquor store.

893
00:48:44,855 --> 00:48:46,652
Good. I can't wait
for you to get here.

894
00:48:46,857 --> 00:48:49,382
Well, I hope your friends
are ready to get fucked up.

895
00:48:50,994 --> 00:48:52,222
<i>I'm sure they will be.</i>

896
00:48:52,429 --> 00:48:54,624
- Okay, I'll see you soon.
- <i>Peace.</i>

897
00:48:55,599 --> 00:48:57,396
Oh, man! Dude, this is crazy.

898
00:48:57,601 --> 00:49:00,331
She called, she said,
"I can't wait for you to get there."

899
00:49:00,537 --> 00:49:03,472
That sounds like
she fully wants it, man! Oh, yeah!

900
00:49:03,674 --> 00:49:08,168
Who's gonna give it to her, huh,
my man? You, that's who.

901
00:49:08,378 --> 00:49:10,573
Man.

902
00:49:10,948 --> 00:49:12,609
You guys on MySpace, or...?

903
00:49:25,696 --> 00:49:29,723
Officers? I can answer those
questions now if you want me to.

904
00:49:29,933 --> 00:49:32,959
We get the gist of it. You were
buying beer, some guys punched you.

905
00:49:33,170 --> 00:49:35,365
Don't worry about it.
We're not gonna find them.

906
00:49:35,572 --> 00:49:38,132
- Case closed.
- But it was only...

907
00:49:49,519 --> 00:49:53,011
- But it was only one guy.
- Only one guy? Shit.

908
00:49:53,223 --> 00:49:54,815
How am I supposed to
find one guy?

909
00:49:55,025 --> 00:49:58,461
This job really isn't how, you know,
shows like <i>CSI</i> make it out to be.

910
00:49:58,662 --> 00:50:02,291
When I first joined the force, I assumed
there was semen on everything...

911
00:50:02,499 --> 00:50:04,967
...and there was some, like,
huge semen database...

912
00:50:05,168 --> 00:50:08,331
...that had every bad guy's semen in it.
There isn't. That doesn't exist.

913
00:50:08,538 --> 00:50:11,336
I often go to sleep and dream of
waking up in a world where...

914
00:50:11,541 --> 00:50:13,975
...everything's covered in semen.
- I mean, who doesn't?

915
00:50:14,177 --> 00:50:16,145
It'd be nice.
Like that crime scene today.

916
00:50:16,346 --> 00:50:18,780
If the man had ejaculated
and then punched you...

917
00:50:18,982 --> 00:50:20,609
...we'd have a shot at catching him.

918
00:50:20,817 --> 00:50:23,047
- No way.
- Just punched in the face, no semen.

919
00:50:23,253 --> 00:50:25,744
- No semen.
- Story of my life.

920
00:50:30,961 --> 00:50:34,761
Michaels here, he's six months in.

921
00:50:35,599 --> 00:50:37,999
He's young,
but the Force is strong with this one.

922
00:50:38,201 --> 00:50:40,601
Learning you are, young padawan.

923
00:50:40,804 --> 00:50:42,396
Thank you very much.

924
00:50:43,673 --> 00:50:46,039
- That's Yoda.
- Are you familiar with Yoda?

925
00:50:46,243 --> 00:50:47,733
From <i>Attack of the Clones?</i>

926
00:50:47,944 --> 00:50:52,005
<i>We have a 245 at East 24 and</i>
<i>Montgomery, Bailey's Bar and Grill.</i>

927
00:50:52,215 --> 00:50:54,183
Car 98 on it.

928
00:50:54,384 --> 00:50:57,319
See, Michaels, you always
take a call at a bar because...

929
00:50:57,521 --> 00:50:59,580
...better or worse,
you get a beer out of it.

930
00:51:00,524 --> 00:51:01,582
Pretty sweet, huh?

931
00:51:01,792 --> 00:51:03,885
- True that. Amazing thinking.
- Hey, McLovin.

932
00:51:04,094 --> 00:51:07,154
We got a situation at Bailey's,
so we'll drop you off after, all right?

933
00:51:07,364 --> 00:51:09,389
Actually, I kind of
have to be somewhere...

934
00:51:09,599 --> 00:51:12,659
- Sweet. Sit tight.
- Set course for Bailey's, warp 10.

935
00:51:12,869 --> 00:51:14,200
Engage.

936
00:51:19,910 --> 00:51:21,138
Yeah.

937
00:51:21,344 --> 00:51:24,404
Welcome to the Thunderdome.

938
00:51:26,550 --> 00:51:29,178
Hey, man, are you sure it's cool
that we're here with you?

939
00:51:29,386 --> 00:51:30,717
Oh, definitely, man.

940
00:51:30,921 --> 00:51:32,889
I'm essentially
best friends with the guy...

941
00:51:33,090 --> 00:51:35,024
...so a bunch of my buds
are coming.

942
00:51:35,225 --> 00:51:38,023
We're gonna rock out
with our cocks out. Just kidding.

943
00:51:38,228 --> 00:51:40,958
- We are gonna rock out.
- Just go, just go.

944
00:51:41,164 --> 00:51:43,132
What's up? What's up? What's up?

945
00:51:44,367 --> 00:51:46,767
Hello, hello. Hey, guys.

946
00:52:04,554 --> 00:52:06,681
This is something
a smart person wouldn't do.

947
00:52:06,890 --> 00:52:09,518
Look, just act cool and act casual,
and try and look old.

948
00:52:09,726 --> 00:52:12,388
We'll get the booze
and get the fuck out of here, okay?

949
00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:18,460
Hey, where the party at? Right.

950
00:52:18,668 --> 00:52:21,432
- You got those shots, bro?
- It's coming.

951
00:52:22,439 --> 00:52:23,929
Come on, let's party.

952
00:52:24,141 --> 00:52:27,542
Come on. Do it up.

953
00:52:33,383 --> 00:52:35,544
We should grab one of these buckets
and get out.

954
00:52:35,752 --> 00:52:38,516
You out of your mind? How are we
gonna get a fucking bucket out?

955
00:52:38,722 --> 00:52:40,587
- Dude, what the fuck?
- Hey, man.

956
00:52:40,790 --> 00:52:42,587
What the fuck do you think
you're doing?

957
00:52:42,792 --> 00:52:45,818
- What are you...? What? Nothing.
- You using my phone?

958
00:52:46,029 --> 00:52:49,658
- What do you think you're doing?
- Hang up. Nothing.

959
00:52:49,866 --> 00:52:51,731
What... What...
What's wrong, Mark?

960
00:52:51,935 --> 00:52:54,631
You weren't invited.
Get the fuck out of here.

961
00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:57,932
- Come on, Mark. It's cool, man.
- You using my fucking phone?

962
00:52:58,141 --> 00:52:59,938
You calling your
fucking friends again?

963
00:53:00,143 --> 00:53:02,236
You calling your friends,
your fantastic friends?

964
00:53:02,445 --> 00:53:04,345
No. I mean, yes. But I mean I'll...

965
00:53:04,548 --> 00:53:06,982
Come on, man, just relax.
Mark, please.

966
00:53:07,184 --> 00:53:09,345
Get the fuck out of here.
The fuck out of my house.

967
00:53:09,553 --> 00:53:11,020
Get the fuck out of my house.

968
00:53:11,221 --> 00:53:14,384
- This is my house.
- Don't be such a dick, man!

969
00:53:14,758 --> 00:53:16,157
What the fuck?

970
00:53:16,359 --> 00:53:18,350
Mark! You really wanna do this, man?

971
00:53:18,562 --> 00:53:21,156
Here we go.
We're really gonna do this?

972
00:53:22,699 --> 00:53:24,496
That's right, motherfucker.

973
00:53:25,635 --> 00:53:27,865
Come on, pussy. Get up, dude.

974
00:53:28,405 --> 00:53:31,135
Oh, shit. I'm sorry, bro.
I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry, bro.

975
00:53:31,341 --> 00:53:34,936
Tiger got out of the cage, man.
All right? I'm sorry. Come on, Mark.

976
00:53:35,145 --> 00:53:37,306
Let's just chill.
Everyone just chill out.

977
00:53:37,814 --> 00:53:39,714
Truce, man.

978
00:53:42,619 --> 00:53:44,553
Right in the nads!

979
00:53:47,125 --> 00:53:50,686
This is for your friends.
Here, have another one.

980
00:53:50,896 --> 00:53:54,093
Shit. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.
Oh, my God. What do we do?

981
00:53:54,299 --> 00:53:55,994
- Come on. Come on.
- Choose one.

982
00:53:57,102 --> 00:54:01,937
- We can slip out the back, man.
- Come on. Let's hurry up and do this.

983
00:54:02,140 --> 00:54:04,233
Are you crazy, man?
Wanna end up like that guy?

984
00:54:04,443 --> 00:54:07,003
Not me. I need my nuts, man,
for a lot of things.

985
00:54:07,212 --> 00:54:08,941
- We need liquor.
- You need it. I don't.

986
00:54:09,147 --> 00:54:11,809
I'm gonna tell Becca how I feel.
Maybe she'll get with me.

987
00:54:12,017 --> 00:54:14,315
I'm not gonna get her
drunk out of her mind.

988
00:54:14,519 --> 00:54:17,283
Oh, really? Then how come
you never made a move, you pussy?

989
00:54:17,489 --> 00:54:20,856
Because I respect her, Seth. I'm not
gonna put unfair pressure on her.

990
00:54:21,059 --> 00:54:23,050
I don't see a problem.
Let's just do it.

991
00:54:23,261 --> 00:54:25,957
We're leaving, okay?
You wanna get killed for liquor?

992
00:54:26,164 --> 00:54:29,463
No, but I would get killed for pussy,
no questions asked.

993
00:54:29,668 --> 00:54:32,796
- Fuck this, man.
- You're just gonna bail on me?

994
00:54:33,004 --> 00:54:35,871
- I'm going.
- Fucking bitch.

995
00:54:36,475 --> 00:54:38,773
Move, people.

996
00:54:39,778 --> 00:54:43,407
- Thank you.
- Oh, I love this place.

997
00:54:52,591 --> 00:54:54,218
What the hell is going on in there?

998
00:54:54,426 --> 00:54:56,656
If the bullets start flying,
hit the deck.

999
00:54:56,862 --> 00:54:59,057
You pissed everywhere,
you son of a bitch!

1000
00:54:59,264 --> 00:55:02,495
Everywhere? You didn't
see me pissing anywhere.

1001
00:55:02,701 --> 00:55:04,430
I don't know
what you're talking about.

1002
00:55:04,636 --> 00:55:06,331
Take your nuts out of your shells!

1003
00:55:06,538 --> 00:55:08,130
Michaels, I got your back.

1004
00:55:08,340 --> 00:55:10,240
Why don't you show this rummy
how we roll?

1005
00:55:10,442 --> 00:55:11,739
10-4.

1006
00:55:12,344 --> 00:55:15,336
Excuse me, sir.
Stop what you are doing at once.

1007
00:55:16,648 --> 00:55:19,776
- Blue guys!
- Resisting. Resisting!

1008
00:55:19,985 --> 00:55:21,543
- Slater!
- Michaels!

1009
00:55:22,020 --> 00:55:23,248
Everybody stay calm.

1010
00:55:25,123 --> 00:55:28,286
- Everybody stay calm.
- Get the fuck out of my way!

1011
00:55:28,693 --> 00:55:30,456
Stay calm! Fuck!

1012
00:55:31,396 --> 00:55:33,296
- Should I shoot him?
- No, no, no!

1013
00:55:33,498 --> 00:55:35,762
- No!
- Stop him, McLovin!

1014
00:55:35,967 --> 00:55:38,697
McLovin, stop him!
Do it, do it, do it, do it!

1015
00:55:43,241 --> 00:55:46,472
Please stop it, you fucking bum.
What the fuck?

1016
00:56:01,159 --> 00:56:04,151
McLovin! Nice!

1017
00:56:04,729 --> 00:56:06,629
He just came at me.
I took him down.

1018
00:56:06,832 --> 00:56:09,357
- I'm buying you a beer, McLovin.
- I'm buying you one too.

1019
00:56:09,568 --> 00:56:12,128
Take note. That's how
you take down a motherfucker.

1020
00:56:12,337 --> 00:56:13,702
That's right.

1021
00:56:13,905 --> 00:56:16,465
McLovin in the fucking house!

1022
00:56:51,243 --> 00:56:55,577
Hey. You dance hot.

1023
00:56:56,515 --> 00:56:58,210
Thank you.

1024
00:57:14,032 --> 00:57:17,832
Okay, okay. Here we... Here we go.

1025
00:57:18,703 --> 00:57:20,398
- Hello?
- <i>Evan, it's Becca.</i>

1026
00:57:20,605 --> 00:57:22,334
Oh, Becca. Hi.

1027
00:57:22,541 --> 00:57:26,773
Hey. Hello. Hey. Becca.

1028
00:57:27,178 --> 00:57:28,668
- Becca...
- <i>Evan, can you hear me?</i>

1029
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,905
- Hello? What?
- <i>Can you hear</i>...<i>? Piece of shit!</i>

1030
00:57:31,116 --> 00:57:33,482
Guy sells me
a piece of shit fucking phone.

1031
00:57:33,685 --> 00:57:35,118
- Becca?
- It's Becca.

1032
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:37,311
<i>I get one bar</i>
<i>everywhere I fucking go.</i>

1033
00:57:37,522 --> 00:57:40,286
- What is he saying?
- <i>Fucking asshole.</i>

1034
00:57:40,492 --> 00:57:42,255
- I think...
- What happened?

1035
00:57:42,460 --> 00:57:44,018
Son-of-a-fucking-bitch
phone company.

1036
00:57:44,229 --> 00:57:46,891
- What? It's rude. Hello?
- <i>Fuck. You suck.</i>

1037
00:57:47,098 --> 00:57:48,725
Bullshit phone. Piece of shit.

1038
00:57:48,934 --> 00:57:51,266
<i>I swear I'll bitchslap you</i>
<i>so fucking hard.</i>

1039
00:57:51,469 --> 00:57:53,027
- What?
- Bec...?

1040
00:58:37,082 --> 00:58:38,947
Thanks.

1041
00:58:40,652 --> 00:58:42,381
This is fucking crazy.

1042
00:58:51,429 --> 00:58:54,694
Hey. Look what fell out of the truck!

1043
00:58:56,534 --> 00:58:57,967
You're full of shit.

1044
00:58:58,169 --> 00:59:00,103
Yeah, I know.

1045
00:59:00,805 --> 00:59:05,401
Dude. Dude.
We're so gonna get fucked up.

1046
00:59:05,610 --> 00:59:07,942
- All right.
- Hey.

1047
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:10,107
What is that?

1048
00:59:11,483 --> 00:59:13,110
I don't know. What?

1049
00:59:13,318 --> 00:59:17,049
That fucking stain on your pants, idiot.
What is that?

1050
00:59:17,555 --> 00:59:19,648
- What are you talking about, man?
- Dude.

1051
00:59:20,592 --> 00:59:23,026
- Is that blood?
- What the fuck is that?

1052
00:59:23,228 --> 00:59:25,196
- Are you bleeding?
- I'm not cut or anything.

1053
00:59:25,397 --> 00:59:28,093
- Why would I be bleeding?
- It's fucking blood, man.

1054
00:59:29,267 --> 00:59:31,929
Were you dancing
with some chick in there?

1055
00:59:32,504 --> 00:59:34,734
- Yeah, so?
- It's blood.

1056
00:59:34,939 --> 00:59:38,466
- Dude, that's not funny.
- It's blood, dude.

1057
00:59:38,677 --> 00:59:42,204
But why would I be bleeding?
Why the fuck would I be bl...?

1058
00:59:42,414 --> 00:59:44,177
Dude, why would there be bl...?

1059
00:59:46,484 --> 00:59:49,453
Oh, fuck. Oh, my God.

1060
00:59:51,656 --> 00:59:55,057
Oh, shit.
I'm gonna fucking throw up.

1061
00:59:55,260 --> 00:59:56,784
Someone perioded
on my fucking leg?

1062
00:59:56,995 --> 00:59:59,054
- Oh, shit.
- What the fuck do I do?

1063
00:59:59,264 --> 01:00:01,494
I've never before
seen that in my life!

1064
01:00:01,700 --> 01:00:03,361
This is so disgusting.

1065
01:00:03,568 --> 01:00:05,058
- Yes, it is.
- I'm gonna go get Bill.

1066
01:00:05,270 --> 01:00:06,794
- He's gotta check this shit out.
- Fuck, yeah.

1067
01:00:07,005 --> 01:00:10,202
No. Who's Bill? Don't tell Bill!
Bill has nothing to do with this!

1068
01:00:10,408 --> 01:00:12,968
Hey, calm down.
Let me get a picture of that real quick.

1069
01:00:13,178 --> 01:00:14,509
No, you can't have a picture!

1070
01:00:14,713 --> 01:00:16,578
- Dude, stop!
- Bill, Bill! Check it out!

1071
01:00:16,781 --> 01:00:18,681
This kid's got period blood
on his slacks.

1072
01:00:18,883 --> 01:00:20,680
It's merlot.
That's what you don't get.

1073
01:00:20,885 --> 01:00:23,513
Hey, Pat! This jerk-off's
got period blood on his pants!

1074
01:00:23,722 --> 01:00:25,690
- Please stop.
- God, man, let me see.

1075
01:00:25,890 --> 01:00:28,825
Oh, my God,
that's a fucking man-gina, man.

1076
01:00:29,027 --> 01:00:32,428
- Do you need a tampon? I could...
- Wait, wait. I have one! I have one!

1077
01:00:33,098 --> 01:00:35,089
Yeah, right? I don't know.

1078
01:00:35,300 --> 01:00:38,326
- I gotta wash this off. Is this the line?
- What does it look like?

1079
01:00:38,536 --> 01:00:40,197
Fuck me, right?

1080
01:00:55,453 --> 01:00:57,944
"Yeah, I'm McLovin.
I'd like to buy some..."

1081
01:01:00,158 --> 01:01:01,750
Shit.

1082
01:01:01,960 --> 01:01:04,292
- Rewind, rewind.
- Rewind it. Yeah!

1083
01:01:04,496 --> 01:01:06,521
So hot. Let's see it again.

1084
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:12,401
- Your legs lifted off the ground.
- That is bona fide badass, man.

1085
01:01:12,604 --> 01:01:14,970
You gotta keep that tape, McLovin.
It is badass.

1086
01:01:15,173 --> 01:01:16,435
- It really is.
- Really?

1087
01:01:16,641 --> 01:01:19,474
Well, don't you guys, like,
need it for, like, evidence or...?

1088
01:01:19,677 --> 01:01:22,840
The only thing that's evidence of
is you can take a hit like a champ.

1089
01:01:23,047 --> 01:01:24,742
Seriously. Take that.

1090
01:01:24,949 --> 01:01:29,545
Are there any ladies
we'd like to show this tape to?

1091
01:01:30,321 --> 01:01:33,848
No. You don't wanna meet a chick
in a bar, man. Seriously.

1092
01:01:34,058 --> 01:01:36,686
That was a turning point
in my life, when I realized that.

1093
01:01:36,895 --> 01:01:41,093
You gotta go to other places. You gotta
go to a spin class, a farmers' market...

1094
01:01:41,299 --> 01:01:43,995
...pumpkin patch,
given the time of year.

1095
01:01:44,202 --> 01:01:46,670
Just somewhere social,
non-threatening.

1096
01:01:46,871 --> 01:01:50,102
- You know, something like that.
- Yeah, I met the missus at paintball.

1097
01:01:50,308 --> 01:01:53,277
Yeah, I shot her in the neck.
And we just...

1098
01:01:53,478 --> 01:01:55,343
And we just hit it off, you know.

1099
01:01:55,547 --> 01:01:58,983
My first wife...
Who is a whore, by the way.

1100
01:01:59,184 --> 01:02:00,515
- Where do you think I met her?

1101
01:02:00,718 --> 01:02:03,551
A bar. A bar.

1102
01:02:03,755 --> 01:02:05,746
- It was this bar.
- It was this bar.

1103
01:02:05,957 --> 01:02:08,118
Yeah, it was this bar.

1104
01:02:08,393 --> 01:02:12,090
Bought her a Binion's,
complimented her on her tote bag...

1105
01:02:12,297 --> 01:02:17,166
...and next thing I know, she's putting
her mouth around the tip of my penis.

1106
01:02:17,969 --> 01:02:19,994
You don't have to tell me that.

1107
01:02:20,205 --> 01:02:22,969
- Right in there.
- She opened up my world, sexually.

1108
01:02:23,174 --> 01:02:25,574
On our wedding night,
we had group sex.

1109
01:02:25,777 --> 01:02:27,142
I wasn't involved in it.

1110
01:02:27,345 --> 01:02:29,870
- But I could hear it through the wall.
- I was.

1111
01:02:30,081 --> 01:02:33,073
She was amazing. And then it was
exactly 23 months later...

1112
01:02:33,284 --> 01:02:35,309
...that I found out
she was an actual whore.

1113
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:37,488
- We discovered her on the street.
- Yeah.

1114
01:02:37,689 --> 01:02:39,122
I'm sorry.

1115
01:02:39,324 --> 01:02:41,554
She was bad.
Fucking whoring bitch.

1116
01:02:41,759 --> 01:02:45,195
- But you got a new wife now, so...
- Yeah. Yeah.

1117
01:02:45,396 --> 01:02:47,694
And she is wonderful.

1118
01:02:47,899 --> 01:02:49,867
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You'll meet her.

1119
01:02:50,068 --> 01:02:52,229
You know what?
I bet I know your trick, McLovin.

1120
01:02:52,437 --> 01:02:54,769
- You play the whole myst...
- <i>Calling all units.</i>

1121
01:02:54,973 --> 01:02:56,600
Just turn that off.

1122
01:02:56,808 --> 01:02:59,800
<i>Send backup!</i>
<i>There's so much blood</i>...

1123
01:03:00,011 --> 01:03:03,742
I bet you play the whole
mysterious-guy thing, right?

1124
01:03:04,549 --> 01:03:07,746
Yeah, seriously.
How's it going with the ladies?

1125
01:03:08,019 --> 01:03:12,046
It's not the going with the ladies
I care about...

1126
01:03:12,257 --> 01:03:15,055
...it's the coming.

1127
01:03:16,928 --> 01:03:18,896
- I get it.
- What is it? What is it?

1128
01:03:19,097 --> 01:03:20,394
Like:

1129
01:03:20,598 --> 01:03:22,259
Like coming.

1130
01:03:25,136 --> 01:03:29,368
- That's funny. That is really funny.
- Oh, my God.

1131
01:03:34,379 --> 01:03:37,542
All right, looks like we got a call.
We can't pay for these.

1132
01:03:37,749 --> 01:03:39,046
10-4. We'll be right there.

1133
01:03:39,250 --> 01:03:41,878
- Speedy Gonzales, let's go.
- We should get road beers.

1134
01:03:42,420 --> 01:03:44,388
Hell, yeah,
we should get some road beers.

1135
01:03:44,589 --> 01:03:46,750
Can I have 13 beers to go, please?

1136
01:03:46,958 --> 01:03:50,189
Please. God, my fucking leg.

1137
01:04:06,444 --> 01:04:08,105
Fuck.

1138
01:04:34,339 --> 01:04:36,705
- I think it's him.
- Is it him?

1139
01:04:36,908 --> 01:04:38,170
- Hello?
- <i>Hey, Becca.</i>

1140
01:04:38,376 --> 01:04:42,073
Hi, I had a bad reception.
So about your Goldslick...

1141
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:44,976
- Guys, shut up.
- Hey, what's going on over there?

1142
01:04:45,183 --> 01:04:47,242
It's nothing. It's just...

1143
01:04:47,452 --> 01:04:50,319
I was just calling, you know,
to see if you were coming...

1144
01:04:50,521 --> 01:04:53,752
...because I thought maybe you were
stuck at, like, a nightclub...

1145
01:04:53,958 --> 01:04:56,483
...or a cocktail party or something.

1146
01:04:56,694 --> 01:04:59,959
No, no, I'm gonna be there for sure.
Full throttle.

1147
01:05:00,164 --> 01:05:01,859
- <i>Charlie's Angels 2.</i>
- <i>Awesome.</i>

1148
01:05:03,768 --> 01:05:06,066
- <i>I can't wait to see you. Evan?</i>
- Okay, bye.

1149
01:05:06,270 --> 01:05:09,728
That was the first time I ever did coke.
Off that bitch's nipple. That was so...

1150
01:05:09,941 --> 01:05:11,670
- A little white sniff.
- That was awesome.

1151
01:05:11,876 --> 01:05:12,843
That was gorgeous.

1152
01:05:13,044 --> 01:05:16,309
Hey, hey, hey.
You guys, stay in this room, man.

1153
01:05:16,514 --> 01:05:19,711
They're gonna kill that guy tonight.
That chick's boyfriend is pissed.

1154
01:05:19,917 --> 01:05:21,441
Yeah. He's a beast.

1155
01:05:21,652 --> 01:05:24,678
I've been praying for a fight.
I'm literally waking up and praying...

1156
01:05:24,889 --> 01:05:26,823
...to see a fucking fight.
- Hey, hey, hey.

1157
01:05:29,060 --> 01:05:30,220
Who's that guy?

1158
01:05:35,266 --> 01:05:36,255
- Hi.
- Who is that guy?

1159
01:05:36,467 --> 01:05:38,492
- Who's this guy?
- Pleasure to see you fellas.

1160
01:05:38,703 --> 01:05:39,761
Hi, everyone.

1161
01:05:39,971 --> 01:05:41,632
- Who are you?
- I'm nobody.

1162
01:05:41,839 --> 01:05:43,397
No, no, no. I know you. I know you.

1163
01:05:43,608 --> 01:05:45,838
He was at that party
I was telling you about.

1164
01:05:46,044 --> 01:05:47,204
- No, no.
- Who is it?

1165
01:05:47,412 --> 01:05:50,540
Remember? He's Jimmy's brother.
The guy. The singer.

1166
01:05:50,982 --> 01:05:53,382
- No.
- He's the guy with the beautiful voice.

1167
01:05:53,584 --> 01:05:56,144
- The fucking singer, Jimmy's brother!
- That's not me, man.

1168
01:05:56,354 --> 01:05:58,083
- Oh, my God.
- Sing for us! Sing.

1169
01:05:58,289 --> 01:05:59,756
"It's not me"? You fucking lying?

1170
01:05:59,957 --> 01:06:03,051
No, I don't mean to accuse you guys
of being ill-informed, but...

1171
01:06:03,261 --> 01:06:05,627
My brother came from Scottsdale,
Arizona to be here.

1172
01:06:05,830 --> 01:06:07,195
You're not gonna sing for him?

1173
01:06:07,398 --> 01:06:08,558
- Fucking bullshit.
- Sing.

1174
01:06:08,766 --> 01:06:10,927
- You're a fucking singer.
- You sing good.

1175
01:06:11,135 --> 01:06:12,602
- Sing it again.
- Like a bird.

1176
01:06:12,804 --> 01:06:15,466
- No, I know, I just... I want to.
- You want a line of cocaine?

1177
01:06:15,673 --> 01:06:16,765
- No way, man.
- Yeah.

1178
01:06:16,974 --> 01:06:19,135
Don't make this weird. Sing.

1179
01:06:19,343 --> 01:06:21,504
- Sing it again.
- Turbo.

1180
01:06:25,883 --> 01:06:27,908
- Fuck! Over!
- Okay, watch this.

1181
01:06:28,119 --> 01:06:30,952
I'll get it right on the nose.

1182
01:06:31,155 --> 01:06:33,385
You're gonna fuck it up.
You're gonna fuck it up.

1183
01:06:33,591 --> 01:06:35,422
Under!

1184
01:06:35,626 --> 01:06:37,821
I feel hammered.
That doesn't make any sense.

1185
01:06:38,029 --> 01:06:40,623
- You're a fucking pussy.
- Okay, okay. Great, great.

1186
01:06:40,832 --> 01:06:44,290
- Okay, McLovin, see if you can do it.
- The kid's gonna nail it.

1187
01:06:44,502 --> 01:06:47,369
Come on, McLovin.
Do it, buddy. Come on, buddy!

1188
01:06:47,572 --> 01:06:50,166
- Bring it!
- 0.08, motherfuckers!

1189
01:06:50,374 --> 01:06:53,036
- Man!
- That's my boy!

1190
01:06:53,444 --> 01:06:55,378
- Yes!
- Beginner's luck. Beginner's luck.

1191
01:06:56,247 --> 01:06:59,045
So, what's it like to have guns?

1192
01:06:59,250 --> 01:07:01,946
It is awesome, McLovin.

1193
01:07:02,153 --> 01:07:03,814
- I mean, it's mindbl...
- It's great.

1194
01:07:04,021 --> 01:07:06,751
I haven't had one for long,
a few months, but I'll tell you...

1195
01:07:06,958 --> 01:07:08,721
...it's like having two cocks.
- Yup.

1196
01:07:08,926 --> 01:07:11,759
If one of your cocks
could kill someone.

1197
01:07:12,864 --> 01:07:15,424
- Can I hold one?
- What?

1198
01:07:15,633 --> 01:07:16,930
Can I hold one of your guns?

1199
01:07:20,204 --> 01:07:23,264
- Yeah, sure.
- Fine with me. Why not?

1200
01:07:23,474 --> 01:07:25,772
Everyone should hold a gun
at least a couple times.

1201
01:07:25,977 --> 01:07:27,410
Yeah, there you go.

1202
01:07:27,612 --> 01:07:29,944
- Have a blast.
- "Have a blast."

1203
01:07:30,148 --> 01:07:34,312
- That's funny.
- I've never held one of these before.

1204
01:07:34,519 --> 01:07:37,249
- Are they hard to shoot?
- If you're Michaels, they are.

1205
01:07:37,455 --> 01:07:39,150
- He can't shoot worth dick.
- What?

1206
01:07:39,357 --> 01:07:40,847
I can shoot. What are you...? Wait.

1207
01:07:41,058 --> 01:07:43,356
- I can't shoot worth dick?
- You cannot shoot.

1208
01:07:43,561 --> 01:07:45,995
- I shot that cat last week.
- It was already dead, man.

1209
01:07:46,197 --> 01:07:47,755
- I still shot it.
- That cat was dead.

1210
01:07:47,965 --> 01:07:49,830
There's only one way
to settle this, guys.

1211
01:07:50,401 --> 01:07:51,891
- Shoot-off.
- Shoot-off.

1212
01:07:52,103 --> 01:07:54,936
- Shoot-off!
- Shoot-off!

1213
01:07:55,139 --> 01:07:56,834
There's a lot of reasons
why I like you.

1214
01:07:57,041 --> 01:07:59,339
I mean, you're handsome
and you're a good friend.

1215
01:07:59,544 --> 01:08:03,571
Dude, there he is. That's the guy.
Hey, Mark, right there.

1216
01:08:05,483 --> 01:08:06,507
Oh, you got a stain too.

1217
01:08:08,352 --> 01:08:10,513
- We're blood brothers.
- Shut the fuck up.

1218
01:08:10,721 --> 01:08:13,246
You're in my house,
you answer my questions.

1219
01:08:13,457 --> 01:08:15,357
What were you doing
dancing with Jacinda?

1220
01:08:18,062 --> 01:08:19,324
I don't even dance. I just...

1221
01:08:19,530 --> 01:08:22,055
I don't even dance ever, so...
I've never even tried it.

1222
01:08:22,266 --> 01:08:24,928
Then where the hell did this
come from, asshole?

1223
01:08:26,404 --> 01:08:28,929
Maybe you and I rubbed up against
each other at some point.

1224
01:08:29,140 --> 01:08:32,109
I don't remember. Maybe it was
some ricochet scenario. I don't know.

1225
01:08:32,310 --> 01:08:34,335
- How am I supposed to know?
- Kick his ass, Mark.

1226
01:08:34,545 --> 01:08:36,308
Shut the fuck up, Scarlett.

1227
01:08:37,181 --> 01:08:39,877
Where do you get off
dancing with my fianc�e?

1228
01:08:48,326 --> 01:08:49,384
To some girl.

1229
01:09:02,773 --> 01:09:04,104
Talk about the hurting.

1230
01:09:14,352 --> 01:09:15,785
- Shit.
- All right.

1231
01:09:38,776 --> 01:09:40,437
- Yo! Fight!
- Move it!

1232
01:09:40,645 --> 01:09:42,374
- Go, check this out!
- Oh, fuck!

1233
01:09:42,580 --> 01:09:44,548
And what the hell is this?

1234
01:09:45,049 --> 01:09:48,348
- I don't fucking... It's detergent.
- Yeah, what are you doing with it?

1235
01:09:50,121 --> 01:09:53,147
I got fucking blood on my pants.

1236
01:09:53,357 --> 01:09:54,881
Get down.

1237
01:09:56,894 --> 01:09:59,328
What the fuck is this all about, man?
Are you...?

1238
01:10:00,364 --> 01:10:03,697
- Well, fuck me.
- Fellas.

1239
01:10:04,268 --> 01:10:07,237
Oh, shit,
I've been tackled by little girls!

1240
01:10:07,438 --> 01:10:08,530
You die! You're next!

1241
01:10:11,275 --> 01:10:16,042
I should fucking kill you,
you motherfucker!

1242
01:10:16,247 --> 01:10:20,206
- Hold him, Jimmy's brother! Hold him!
- What do you mean? No. No way!

1243
01:10:20,418 --> 01:10:22,147
- You humiliated me!
- I'm sorry!

1244
01:10:22,353 --> 01:10:25,914
- You used my leg as a tampon!
- I'm calling the cops.

1245
01:10:26,123 --> 01:10:30,822
Evan! Come on! Move!

1246
01:10:31,062 --> 01:10:33,690
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

1247
01:10:33,898 --> 01:10:38,062
Yeah. Fifth and Paysview. Hurry.

1248
01:10:38,269 --> 01:10:40,999
Mark, I called the cops.
You should hide your gun.

1249
01:10:41,238 --> 01:10:42,830
You're a fucking pussy.

1250
01:10:43,040 --> 01:10:44,268
Don't listen to him, officer.

1251
01:10:44,475 --> 01:10:46,909
If you make this,
we're no longer friends, Michaels.

1252
01:10:47,144 --> 01:10:49,544
- You're a fucking pussy.
- Cheating. You're cheating.

1253
01:10:50,681 --> 01:10:55,345
- Fuck me.
- Oh, suck on my nuts, Slater!

1254
01:10:55,553 --> 01:10:57,384
All right, you...
That was a lucky shot.

1255
01:10:57,588 --> 01:11:00,751
- That was a lucky shot.
- I rule.

1256
01:11:00,958 --> 01:11:02,186
I got jizzed on. All right.

1257
01:11:02,426 --> 01:11:04,451
- Can I shoot one?
- Yeah, go nuts. Go nuts.

1258
01:11:04,662 --> 01:11:06,129
Have a good time, man.

1259
01:11:06,330 --> 01:11:09,231
Empty the clip.
Empty the clip on it, man. Shit!

1260
01:11:09,433 --> 01:11:13,392
The cops! Bail! Bail! Bail!
Shotgun, shotgun! Damn it!

1261
01:11:14,839 --> 01:11:16,204
Shotgun.

1262
01:11:25,616 --> 01:11:28,176
- What a rush.
- What do you guys wanna do?

1263
01:11:28,386 --> 01:11:30,820
- Man, let's get drunk!
- Let's get more fucked up!

1264
01:11:31,021 --> 01:11:33,114
You're fucking living the dream,
Michaels!

1265
01:11:33,324 --> 01:11:34,291
Oh, man.

1266
01:11:34,492 --> 01:11:36,221
This is gonna be the best night ever.

1267
01:11:36,427 --> 01:11:38,861
- <i>Got a 257 at Fifth and Paysview.</i>
- Shit.

1268
01:11:39,063 --> 01:11:41,429
<i>All units in the area report</i>
<i>to Fifth and Paysview.</i>

1269
01:11:41,632 --> 01:11:43,930
- <i>Car 98, that's you. Do it.</i>
- Fuck.

1270
01:11:44,135 --> 01:11:46,194
- Shit.
- Shit.

1271
01:11:46,404 --> 01:11:49,669
Car 98 on it.
You dumb fucking whore.

1272
01:11:49,874 --> 01:11:52,866
Hey, did she say we're gonna get
to shoot somebody or something?

1273
01:11:53,077 --> 01:11:54,374
Oh, God, I wish.

1274
01:11:54,612 --> 01:11:57,979
It's probably some lame house party.
We'll drop you off after. Cool?

1275
01:11:58,215 --> 01:12:00,479
Yeah, man.
Let's show these fuckers how we roll!

1276
01:12:15,166 --> 01:12:18,795
- You fucking prick.
- What?

1277
01:12:21,739 --> 01:12:25,675
- You bailed on me.
- I didn't bail on you.

1278
01:12:25,876 --> 01:12:27,935
Yeah, you did.

1279
01:12:28,145 --> 01:12:30,978
You said you were gonna
do something and you didn't do it.

1280
01:12:31,182 --> 01:12:32,308
That's bailing.

1281
01:12:32,516 --> 01:12:35,747
You're the one that dragged me to
that fucking party with those lunatics.

1282
01:12:35,953 --> 01:12:40,913
- I didn't bail on you.
- You bailed on me, okay?

1283
01:12:41,125 --> 01:12:43,525
You bailed on me this morning
when Jesse spat on me...

1284
01:12:43,727 --> 01:12:45,354
...and you're bailing on me
next year.

1285
01:12:45,563 --> 01:12:48,623
What the fuck? It finally comes out.
That's good, man.

1286
01:12:48,833 --> 01:12:50,767
We were supposed to go
to college together.

1287
01:12:51,001 --> 01:12:53,060
Since we were kids,
since elementary school...

1288
01:12:53,270 --> 01:12:55,704
...that's all we've ever talked about,
us going together.

1289
01:12:55,906 --> 01:12:57,533
And you got into
fucking Dartmouth.

1290
01:12:57,741 --> 01:12:59,732
You're making me feel
like I'm a bad guy.

1291
01:12:59,944 --> 01:13:02,879
What...? I didn't do anything wrong.
I got into a good school.

1292
01:13:03,647 --> 01:13:06,810
How the fuck am I supposed to get
into Dartmouth? You knew I couldn't.

1293
01:13:07,051 --> 01:13:08,518
How fucking selfish are you?

1294
01:13:08,719 --> 01:13:10,744
You had no problem letting Fogell
take the fall.

1295
01:13:10,955 --> 01:13:12,923
You don't want me going
to a good school.

1296
01:13:13,123 --> 01:13:15,114
- Fuck, man!
- So, what the fuck do you want?

1297
01:13:15,326 --> 01:13:17,851
I'm not gonna let you
slow me down anymore, Seth.

1298
01:13:21,031 --> 01:13:22,089
What are you saying?

1299
01:13:22,833 --> 01:13:26,530
I've wasted the last three years
sitting around talking bullshit with you.

1300
01:13:26,737 --> 01:13:28,705
Instead of chasing girls
and making friends...

1301
01:13:28,906 --> 01:13:31,898
...l've just sat around
wasting all my time with you.

1302
01:13:32,109 --> 01:13:34,703
And now I'm going to college
a fucking friendless virgin.

1303
01:13:34,945 --> 01:13:38,403
Is this about Becca?
This is about some girl, man?

1304
01:13:38,616 --> 01:13:40,049
- I like her!
- Who gives a fuck?

1305
01:13:40,251 --> 01:13:42,412
She's some fucking girl!
You gonna go out with her?

1306
01:13:42,620 --> 01:13:45,111
- What about after that?
- Fuck you, you're a piece of shit.

1307
01:13:45,623 --> 01:13:48,387
Fuck you! And next time
you're pissed off about something...

1308
01:13:48,592 --> 01:13:51,425
...don't keep it inside for 10 years,
say it like a fucking man!

1309
01:13:51,629 --> 01:13:52,596
- Don't touch me.
- Fuck you!

1310
01:13:55,132 --> 01:13:58,067
Hey, McLovin, are the numbers
on your side odd or even?

1311
01:13:58,269 --> 01:14:02,000
- I don't know. It's too dark to see.
- We got flashlights.

1312
01:14:02,206 --> 01:14:03,969
Oh, that's true.

1313
01:14:09,680 --> 01:14:11,545
Where the fuck are we?

1314
01:14:12,416 --> 01:14:14,384
- Hey, Slater.
- What's that?

1315
01:14:14,618 --> 01:14:16,347
Slater.

1316
01:14:19,757 --> 01:14:23,386
Now, young Michaels, you will die.

1317
01:14:24,962 --> 01:14:28,295
All right. Come on, stop it.
I can't fucking see. I can't see. Fuck it.

1318
01:14:28,499 --> 01:14:30,296
- Like it?
- Hey, fuck off, that hurts.

1319
01:14:30,501 --> 01:14:32,230
- You stop first.
- Not until you stop.

1320
01:14:32,436 --> 01:14:34,063
- Stop it, asshole.
- Hey, you stop.

1321
01:14:35,139 --> 01:14:37,164
- Fuck you, Evan!
- Don't fucking touch me.

1322
01:14:49,086 --> 01:14:50,178
Why did you do that?

1323
01:14:50,387 --> 01:14:52,548
- You shined the light in my face.
- You did too.

1324
01:14:52,756 --> 01:14:54,781
- I'm driving.
- We were playing Lightsabers.

1325
01:14:54,992 --> 01:14:57,017
- Excuse me.
- Oh, my God.

1326
01:14:57,227 --> 01:14:59,627
Are you guys gonna make sure
he's okay?

1327
01:15:02,866 --> 01:15:04,128
- Check on him.
- You check.

1328
01:15:04,335 --> 01:15:07,793
- You go out there and check on him.
- Fuck that. You go.

1329
01:15:08,005 --> 01:15:12,339
Balls. Okay, we'll both go out there
and check on him.

1330
01:15:13,811 --> 01:15:16,678
I can't believe this is happening again.
What are the odds?

1331
01:15:17,214 --> 01:15:18,841
Fuck.

1332
01:15:22,853 --> 01:15:26,550
- Is everyone okay?
- Yeah, we're great, thanks.

1333
01:15:26,757 --> 01:15:31,217
Hey, hey, where's the love?

1334
01:15:31,428 --> 01:15:35,888
- He's okay. He's fine.
- Stand right next to your friend.

1335
01:15:36,100 --> 01:15:37,931
- Get over there.
- I got them.

1336
01:15:38,135 --> 01:15:39,466
You got these guys?

1337
01:15:46,310 --> 01:15:48,175
You boys doing
a bit of drinking tonight?

1338
01:15:48,379 --> 01:15:52,509
- No, officer. Not at all. Not... We...
- We found those.

1339
01:15:52,716 --> 01:15:53,842
I don't believe you.

1340
01:15:57,521 --> 01:15:59,682
Freeze. Stand right there.

1341
01:15:59,890 --> 01:16:01,949
- We're telling the truth.
- Keep it going.

1342
01:16:02,159 --> 01:16:04,491
- Don't be a hero tonight, guys.
- Wrong night for that.

1343
01:16:04,695 --> 01:16:06,253
You gotta fucking take care of this.

1344
01:16:06,463 --> 01:16:10,524
No. Look, I am not fixing your mistakes
again, okay? Fuck that shit.

1345
01:16:10,734 --> 01:16:13,032
I don't wanna get shitcanned.
I like this job.

1346
01:16:13,237 --> 01:16:15,501
Me too. I get free haircuts.
I'm not taking the fall.

1347
01:16:15,706 --> 01:16:17,333
Okay, okay!

1348
01:16:18,342 --> 01:16:20,503
We're gonna arrest
these two little dipshits, okay?

1349
01:16:20,711 --> 01:16:22,440
And we're gonna pin it on them.

1350
01:16:23,113 --> 01:16:24,580
Yeah, do what you have to do.

1351
01:16:31,055 --> 01:16:32,113
Spread your shit!

1352
01:16:32,322 --> 01:16:35,348
Get on the ground!
Loaded gun, ready to go!

1353
01:16:35,559 --> 01:16:38,153
Spread your shit!
Pussies on the pavement, fellas.

1354
01:16:38,362 --> 01:16:40,557
- Come on!
- Please don't shoot, sir.

1355
01:16:40,764 --> 01:16:43,358
"Please don't shoot."
Shut up and spread your shit!

1356
01:16:44,935 --> 01:16:47,836
I am the law! Okay?

1357
01:16:48,038 --> 01:16:49,164
Now hold hands.

1358
01:16:49,373 --> 01:16:50,772
- What?
- Why?

1359
01:16:50,974 --> 01:16:54,569
You don't want an asshole where your
face used to be, Whaling Jennings.

1360
01:16:54,778 --> 01:16:57,178
- Hold his fucking hand!
- Fucking hold my hand.

1361
01:16:57,381 --> 01:16:59,747
There. That's not so hard, is it?

1362
01:16:59,950 --> 01:17:02,384
Here, McLovin, have a cigarette.

1363
01:17:03,620 --> 01:17:05,383
Smoke up. Life's short, you know.

1364
01:17:06,156 --> 01:17:08,147
Suck it in, my friend.

1365
01:17:08,358 --> 01:17:10,918
Suck it long and deep.

1366
01:17:11,128 --> 01:17:12,618
Enjoy it.

1367
01:17:13,230 --> 01:17:15,790
McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.

1368
01:17:17,267 --> 01:17:22,500
- You like Officer Slater and myself?
- Yeah, you guys are awesome.

1369
01:17:22,706 --> 01:17:25,834
Thanks.
We really like you too, McLovin.

1370
01:17:26,043 --> 01:17:27,601
So here's what's about to happen.

1371
01:17:27,811 --> 01:17:29,244
We're gonna arrest these guys...

1372
01:17:29,446 --> 01:17:33,007
...you're gonna write a witness report
saying they leapt in front of our car...

1373
01:17:33,217 --> 01:17:35,549
...and there was nothing we could do.
Sound cool?

1374
01:17:36,820 --> 01:17:39,721
- Yeah, that's fine.
- Good.

1375
01:17:39,923 --> 01:17:42,221
That's good.
Pretend he's your little sister.

1376
01:17:42,426 --> 01:17:44,417
Your little sister with the...

1377
01:17:55,305 --> 01:17:56,329
What the fuck?

1378
01:18:08,719 --> 01:18:10,243
Fagell?

1379
01:18:19,563 --> 01:18:21,554
- Shit!
- Shit!

1380
01:18:25,569 --> 01:18:26,934
Run! Run!

1381
01:18:27,137 --> 01:18:28,365
Wait.

1382
01:18:28,572 --> 01:18:31,973
Hold on, I gotta get all the booze.
Seth, wait up!

1383
01:18:32,176 --> 01:18:33,837
McLovin bailed!

1384
01:18:34,044 --> 01:18:36,103
Chase the kid!

1385
01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:44,812
Stop!

1386
01:19:05,742 --> 01:19:07,869
That was a fast kid.

1387
01:19:10,547 --> 01:19:14,984
I want a ride! You hear me?
You can't unarrest me!

1388
01:19:17,487 --> 01:19:18,977
Stop!

1389
01:19:21,124 --> 01:19:25,026
- McLovin!
- Come on.

1390
01:19:26,997 --> 01:19:28,157
McLovin!

1391
01:19:28,899 --> 01:19:31,663
McLovin! Why?

1392
01:19:33,604 --> 01:19:34,662
McLovin, come back!

1393
01:19:36,573 --> 01:19:41,567
My hand! Monster!
Nicole! Nicole, get Daddy.

1394
01:19:41,778 --> 01:19:44,269
- Get Daddy.
- Get Daddy!

1395
01:19:44,481 --> 01:19:47,075
- Oh, shit.
- Get away from my kids!

1396
01:19:50,387 --> 01:19:52,548
You sick sons of bitches!

1397
01:19:55,559 --> 01:19:57,049
What the fuck?

1398
01:20:02,833 --> 01:20:05,267
Michaels, are you okay?

1399
01:20:05,502 --> 01:20:07,265
- It's just beer.
- Give me a break.

1400
01:20:07,471 --> 01:20:09,063
- It's just beer.
- Man up.

1401
01:20:09,273 --> 01:20:10,865
What happened?
What, did you lose him?

1402
01:20:11,074 --> 01:20:13,838
He's a freak.
He's the fastest kid alive.

1403
01:20:14,044 --> 01:20:16,569
- This is not good.
- He's the fastest kid alive.

1404
01:20:16,813 --> 01:20:19,839
Fastest kid alive, my ass. Come on.
What are we gonna do?

1405
01:20:20,150 --> 01:20:22,050
I'll shoot my gun in the air.

1406
01:20:22,286 --> 01:20:24,220
Give me a fucking warning
before you do it.

1407
01:20:24,421 --> 01:20:26,389
I'll scare him out of wherever
he's hiding.

1408
01:20:26,590 --> 01:20:29,252
This isn't gonna do shit.
Get in the car. Get in the car.

1409
01:20:29,459 --> 01:20:31,290
This is your fault, you piece of...

1410
01:20:31,828 --> 01:20:34,228
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
They shot Seth.

1411
01:20:34,431 --> 01:20:36,558
They fucking shot Seth, I know it.

1412
01:20:37,301 --> 01:20:38,529
Holy shit.

1413
01:20:38,735 --> 01:20:39,724
Holy shit. Holy shit.

1414
01:20:41,338 --> 01:20:42,430
- Should I run?
- Yes.

1415
01:20:47,177 --> 01:20:49,270
- Fuck. Stop!
- Stop the bus!

1416
01:20:49,479 --> 01:20:50,912
- Stop it!
- It's stopping.

1417
01:20:51,114 --> 01:20:53,275
- It's stopping.
- Oh, thank God.

1418
01:20:56,053 --> 01:20:58,283
Hey, Evan, pay for me, please.

1419
01:21:00,657 --> 01:21:01,624
That's me and him.

1420
01:21:02,726 --> 01:21:06,253
Hey, hey. It's you.

1421
01:21:06,463 --> 01:21:07,691
McMuffin.

1422
01:21:08,098 --> 01:21:09,463
- You know this guy?
- It's...

1423
01:21:09,666 --> 01:21:13,693
Ain't got no cop people to help you
keep your booze now, do you?

1424
01:21:13,904 --> 01:21:17,237
Hey! Back the fuck up, man,
or I'll beat the shit out of you.

1425
01:21:17,441 --> 01:21:19,500
- Give me the booze.
- <i>Hey! Back the fuck up.</i>

1426
01:21:19,710 --> 01:21:22,907
<i>Back the fuck up. Back the fuck up.</i>

1427
01:21:23,113 --> 01:21:24,774
Please, please, calm down, sir.

1428
01:21:33,957 --> 01:21:39,293
Goldslick.

1429
01:21:50,741 --> 01:21:52,834
Get off the bus
or I'm calling the cops.

1430
01:21:59,549 --> 01:22:01,608
Eat shit, bum.

1431
01:22:01,985 --> 01:22:04,078
Oh, shit, guys.
We're three blocks away, man.

1432
01:22:04,287 --> 01:22:06,687
We made it. We made it
with the booze and everything.

1433
01:22:06,890 --> 01:22:08,221
We made it.

1434
01:22:08,425 --> 01:22:09,858
Hold this.

1435
01:22:10,594 --> 01:22:13,119
I can't believe
you still have the liquor.

1436
01:22:14,164 --> 01:22:15,222
It's awesome.

1437
01:22:15,432 --> 01:22:18,492
Yeah, I told you the idea would work.
I fooled those cops.

1438
01:22:18,735 --> 01:22:21,704
I'm McLovin. I am McLovin.

1439
01:22:23,573 --> 01:22:24,972
Why do you guys have detergent?

1440
01:22:25,175 --> 01:22:28,144
I don't understand why you were
smoking cigarettes with those cops.

1441
01:22:28,345 --> 01:22:29,972
Because I fucking rule.

1442
01:22:30,180 --> 01:22:33,479
- We are so gonna get laid tonight.
- I am. I'm gonna get laid.

1443
01:22:33,683 --> 01:22:36,083
We're finally gonna
get our drinks on.

1444
01:22:38,255 --> 01:22:39,950
I can't believe Becca's bottle broke.

1445
01:22:40,157 --> 01:22:41,522
- I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Yeah.

1446
01:22:41,725 --> 01:22:44,626
I thought you didn't need it.
You were gonna tell her how you feel.

1447
01:22:44,828 --> 01:22:47,353
Good luck getting Jules drunk enough
to have sex with you.

1448
01:22:47,564 --> 01:22:49,498
- What's wrong with you guys?
- Nothing.

1449
01:22:49,699 --> 01:22:52,862
You two femmes can talk about it
next year at your little slumber party.

1450
01:22:53,070 --> 01:22:54,765
Oh, you told him.

1451
01:22:54,971 --> 01:22:57,599
- Told me what?
- Yeah. You're an idiot, Fogell.

1452
01:22:57,808 --> 01:22:59,605
- Well, we gotta tell him now.
- No, we...

1453
01:22:59,810 --> 01:23:01,277
Well, he knows something's up.

1454
01:23:01,511 --> 01:23:03,775
What are you guys talking about?
Tell me now.

1455
01:23:04,014 --> 01:23:06,175
Seth, me and Evan are
rooming together next year.

1456
01:23:06,383 --> 01:23:07,372
What's the big deal?

1457
01:23:07,584 --> 01:23:09,518
"Oh, my God,
Fogell's rooming with Evan."

1458
01:23:09,719 --> 01:23:11,414
Jeez, why don't you go cry about it?

1459
01:23:11,621 --> 01:23:14,055
- I didn't tell you because...
- You're a backstabber...

1460
01:23:14,257 --> 01:23:17,488
...and you lied to your best friend
and you just don't care anymore?

1461
01:23:17,694 --> 01:23:19,889
I didn't expect this from you, Evan.

1462
01:23:20,363 --> 01:23:21,523
Not from you.

1463
01:23:21,731 --> 01:23:23,926
Give me that booze, Fagell.

1464
01:23:27,504 --> 01:23:30,473
We never should have had to hide
our arrangement.

1465
01:23:40,650 --> 01:23:42,982
- Seth's here.
- Seth, you're here.

1466
01:23:43,186 --> 01:23:46,917
Hi. Everybody, Seth has got it.

1467
01:24:10,180 --> 01:24:12,307
- Evan.
- Gaby, hey.

1468
01:24:12,516 --> 01:24:14,381
Where have you been?
You almost blew it.

1469
01:24:14,584 --> 01:24:17,109
- What are you talking about?
- Becca. She's been waiting.

1470
01:24:17,320 --> 01:24:18,617
She's over there.

1471
01:24:19,489 --> 01:24:20,786
She's way smashed.

1472
01:24:20,991 --> 01:24:23,289
And she's been yammering
about you all night.

1473
01:24:23,493 --> 01:24:25,290
Really? What was she saying?

1474
01:24:25,495 --> 01:24:27,588
She told you that she thinks
I'm a good guy?

1475
01:24:27,797 --> 01:24:30,357
No, no.
She said something more like:

1476
01:24:30,567 --> 01:24:33,092
"I will fully blow him tonight."

1477
01:24:33,336 --> 01:24:35,668
- What?
- I know.

1478
01:24:39,109 --> 01:24:41,339
- Yeah.
- But she's totally hammered...

1479
01:24:41,545 --> 01:24:44,446
...and if I get with her
and I'm not drunk, isn't that unethical?

1480
01:24:45,282 --> 01:24:46,681
Not if you're drunk too.

1481
01:24:48,018 --> 01:24:49,383
I guess not.

1482
01:24:49,586 --> 01:24:50,917
To Seth.

1483
01:24:51,121 --> 01:24:53,316
- To Seth!
- All right.

1484
01:24:53,523 --> 01:24:55,388
Who the fuck is Seth?

1485
01:24:55,592 --> 01:24:57,287
I'm Seth!

1486
01:24:58,995 --> 01:25:01,225
Let's do another one to me.

1487
01:25:12,275 --> 01:25:13,867
Oh, boy.

1488
01:25:14,611 --> 01:25:16,670
Calm down. Calm down, man.

1489
01:25:16,880 --> 01:25:18,939
Calm down. She likes you.

1490
01:25:19,316 --> 01:25:21,546
She wants to suck on your penis.

1491
01:25:21,785 --> 01:25:23,412
It's a good thing.

1492
01:25:23,620 --> 01:25:27,283
It's the best thing.

1493
01:25:28,091 --> 01:25:29,752
Just down the hatch.

1494
01:25:57,587 --> 01:25:59,487
Fogell. What's up?

1495
01:26:46,469 --> 01:26:48,767
Evan, hey. Evie, come here.

1496
01:26:48,972 --> 01:26:50,371
Can you please help me up?

1497
01:26:50,573 --> 01:26:54,134
I fell down and none of these assholes
will help me up.

1498
01:26:54,344 --> 01:26:56,904
- Shit.
- Becca.

1499
01:26:57,113 --> 01:26:59,206
I have been waiting for you
for, like, ever.

1500
01:26:59,416 --> 01:27:01,384
- What took you so long?
- I know, it...

1501
01:27:01,584 --> 01:27:04,018
- Do you have my Goldslick?
- No, I can't even...

1502
01:27:04,220 --> 01:27:05,881
It's such a crazy story, okay?

1503
01:27:06,089 --> 01:27:09,388
- I swear I was try...
- It doesn't even matter.

1504
01:27:09,592 --> 01:27:12,083
Look. Look what we...
We can just drink this.

1505
01:27:12,295 --> 01:27:14,559
- Here. You could have a drink.
- Oh, no.

1506
01:27:14,764 --> 01:27:16,755
- I'm already pretty wasted.
- Take a drink.

1507
01:27:16,966 --> 01:27:19,332
Okay, here's to you.
This is to Becca.

1508
01:27:19,536 --> 01:27:20,628
To Becca.

1509
01:27:20,837 --> 01:27:23,169
- To the respecting...
- Guys.

1510
01:27:23,373 --> 01:27:26,433
- Women.
To people respecting women.

1511
01:27:26,643 --> 01:27:29,635
Okay. Yeah.

1512
01:27:32,082 --> 01:27:33,310
You're a lightweight.

1513
01:27:34,684 --> 01:27:36,049
Hey.

1514
01:27:37,087 --> 01:27:40,352
You and me,
we should go upstairs, because...

1515
01:27:40,557 --> 01:27:44,687
Because I need to
tell you something. Okay?

1516
01:27:45,261 --> 01:27:47,422
You could just tell me here,
I mean...

1517
01:27:47,630 --> 01:27:52,363
I can't tell you, because
it's a secret for you from me.

1518
01:27:52,569 --> 01:27:54,628
- All right.
- So come. Come on. Okay.

1519
01:27:54,838 --> 01:27:55,998
- Bye, guys.
- Bye.

1520
01:27:56,206 --> 01:27:58,401
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.

1521
01:28:03,847 --> 01:28:07,112
You changed your name
to McLovin?

1522
01:28:08,985 --> 01:28:11,613
- That's so cool.
- Thanks.

1523
01:28:11,821 --> 01:28:15,689
So, like, what's Hawaii like?

1524
01:28:16,359 --> 01:28:17,724
All right. I am back.

1525
01:28:17,927 --> 01:28:20,191
I had to thank the peeps
for coming out, you know.

1526
01:28:20,397 --> 01:28:22,888
Jules. I want you
to have a drink with me.

1527
01:28:23,099 --> 01:28:25,465
Just drink some of this.
You're gonna love it.

1528
01:28:25,668 --> 01:28:27,465
You're to...
I know you're gonna love it.

1529
01:28:27,670 --> 01:28:31,231
- You know, I...
- It's green beer. For your information.

1530
01:28:31,441 --> 01:28:34,069
You know, I'm actually good
right now. But thank you.

1531
01:28:34,544 --> 01:28:37,775
And thank you very much
for bringing everything, again.

1532
01:28:37,981 --> 01:28:39,608
Seriously, it really made the night.

1533
01:28:39,816 --> 01:28:42,580
No, that's how I roll.
That's the thing.

1534
01:28:42,786 --> 01:28:45,619
It's no problems. You'll learn that.

1535
01:28:51,428 --> 01:28:56,058
I love talking
and conversing with you.

1536
01:28:56,266 --> 01:28:59,258
But I can't hear you, though,
because the music is so loud.

1537
01:28:59,469 --> 01:29:02,632
So do you wanna go outside
and talk more?

1538
01:29:05,508 --> 01:29:08,136
Yeah. Sorry, sure.
You know, why not?

1539
01:29:08,344 --> 01:29:10,312
Let's do it.
I haven't conversed in ages.

1540
01:29:10,513 --> 01:29:13,971
- Okay. Ladies... Ladies first.
- Okay.

1541
01:29:15,051 --> 01:29:17,019
- Thank you very much.
- No problem.

1542
01:29:17,220 --> 01:29:19,620
- Watch your step. I fell earlier today.
- You serious?

1543
01:29:19,823 --> 01:29:21,916
Well, I was hit by a car.
It's a long story.

1544
01:29:22,492 --> 01:29:26,223
- Oh, shit. Careful.
- Okay, well...

1545
01:29:27,330 --> 01:29:30,527
So loud. Don't let the parents hear.

1546
01:29:31,167 --> 01:29:33,032
You look so pretty.

1547
01:29:36,339 --> 01:29:40,537
- Are you okay?
- I so flirt with you in math.

1548
01:29:40,743 --> 01:29:42,870
Tell me about it. I... Samesies.

1549
01:29:43,079 --> 01:29:48,608
I've wanted to tell you for so long
that you're the best girl.

1550
01:29:48,818 --> 01:29:53,721
I know. I've wanted to get with you,
like, so hard.

1551
01:29:55,325 --> 01:29:57,657
Like so hard.

1552
01:30:03,600 --> 01:30:05,500
You're the best.

1553
01:30:05,702 --> 01:30:09,229
We'll take this sweater off. I think so.

1554
01:30:09,439 --> 01:30:12,670
Just be careful, because it's a
meaningful sweater to me. It's vintage.

1555
01:30:12,876 --> 01:30:13,934
Okay.

1556
01:30:14,677 --> 01:30:17,544
- Bought it at that vintage market.
- Just hurry.

1557
01:30:18,047 --> 01:30:20,572
- And this one.
- It's off.

1558
01:30:20,783 --> 01:30:22,876
Hey, wait, careful.

1559
01:30:24,053 --> 01:30:25,577
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my.

1560
01:30:25,788 --> 01:30:26,982
Put that there.

1561
01:30:27,190 --> 01:30:28,885
- Now, looky, looky...
- Okay.

1562
01:30:29,092 --> 01:30:31,652
...what I got for you under here.
- Oh, my gosh.

1563
01:30:31,861 --> 01:30:33,658
You are the prettiest girl...

1564
01:30:33,863 --> 01:30:36,764
...this side of the Mississippi.
- I have a little something...

1565
01:30:36,966 --> 01:30:39,833
...for you under here.

1566
01:30:40,036 --> 01:30:41,060
You look so pretty.

1567
01:30:41,538 --> 01:30:43,836
- Look so pretty.
- Under there.

1568
01:30:44,040 --> 01:30:45,871
Hello.

1569
01:30:47,143 --> 01:30:49,168
For you.

1570
01:30:53,783 --> 01:30:58,220
You're the best. You're so unique.

1571
01:30:58,421 --> 01:30:59,888
Come here.

1572
01:31:00,089 --> 01:31:02,421
Evan, kiss me.

1573
01:31:02,759 --> 01:31:04,556
I like you so much.

1574
01:31:05,628 --> 01:31:07,493
Come on, McLovin.

1575
01:31:07,697 --> 01:31:09,528
I've never been
with an older guy before.

1576
01:31:09,732 --> 01:31:13,065
Well, it's way better.

1577
01:31:13,269 --> 01:31:15,464
I know, we made some
kick-ass tiramisu earlier.

1578
01:31:15,672 --> 01:31:19,199
It was deli... It looked weird.
But it was delicious.

1579
01:31:23,713 --> 01:31:26,910
What...? What's wrong?

1580
01:31:27,550 --> 01:31:31,145
I... I would prefer
if we would just do that...

1581
01:31:31,354 --> 01:31:34,881
...at some other time.

1582
01:31:35,091 --> 01:31:38,151
No. There is no other time.
School is up.

1583
01:31:38,361 --> 01:31:42,627
- What's wrong with right now?
- Well, I mean, you're... You're drunk.

1584
01:31:43,333 --> 01:31:47,235
- You're, like, really, really drunk.
- So? You're drunk. You're drunk, Jules.

1585
01:31:47,437 --> 01:31:50,406
Yeah, I'm actually...
I'm not drunk at all.

1586
01:31:50,607 --> 01:31:53,167
I don't even drink, so it's...
I mean...

1587
01:31:54,410 --> 01:31:57,470
Jules, you drink. You drink.

1588
01:31:57,680 --> 01:32:00,513
Everybody... You...
You had me get liquor, so you drink.

1589
01:32:00,717 --> 01:32:01,741
It's like...

1590
01:32:01,951 --> 01:32:05,284
Well, yeah, because
I'm throwing a party, remember?

1591
01:32:05,488 --> 01:32:07,080
Other people drink
and so I just...

1592
01:32:07,290 --> 01:32:08,780
You...?

1593
01:32:10,159 --> 01:32:13,492
You don't wanna, you know?

1594
01:32:15,298 --> 01:32:18,233
Not right now.

1595
01:32:18,434 --> 01:32:21,494
You know, not while you're drunk.

1596
01:32:22,138 --> 01:32:24,129
But, you know, thank you.

1597
01:32:29,479 --> 01:32:34,007
- Evan. Evan, I'm so wet.
- Oh, yeah.

1598
01:32:34,217 --> 01:32:37,516
They said that would happen
in health, when I learned about it.

1599
01:32:37,720 --> 01:32:39,517
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

1600
01:32:39,722 --> 01:32:42,885
- They taught me about...
- Who's down there?

1601
01:32:43,092 --> 01:32:44,320
Yeah, it's your hand.

1602
01:32:49,232 --> 01:32:52,599
- Thank you, that's good.
- You have such a smooth cock.

1603
01:32:52,802 --> 01:32:54,827
Thank you.
You would too if you were a man.

1604
01:32:55,038 --> 01:32:57,529
But you got such a smooth chest.

1605
01:32:57,740 --> 01:33:00,402
I am gonna give you...

1606
01:33:00,610 --> 01:33:05,047
...the best blow-J ever...

1607
01:33:05,248 --> 01:33:07,648
...with my mouth.

1608
01:33:07,850 --> 01:33:10,045
Why don't we...?
Why don't we just kiss a while?

1609
01:33:10,253 --> 01:33:13,848
Why don't we keep kissing for a bit,
instead of...?

1610
01:33:15,758 --> 01:33:17,316
How badly do you wanna fuck me?

1611
01:33:17,794 --> 01:33:19,421
Jesus Christ.

1612
01:33:20,229 --> 01:33:21,196
Jesus, fuck.

1613
01:33:21,397 --> 01:33:22,659
- Hang on one second.
- What?

1614
01:33:22,865 --> 01:33:24,594
Becca,
I don't think you wanna do this.

1615
01:33:24,801 --> 01:33:28,703
- You're really drunk.
- No, I'm not. I am not drunk.

1616
01:33:28,905 --> 01:33:33,069
- I see that you are. I think you are.
- And I really... I want you inside me.

1617
01:33:33,276 --> 01:33:35,506
I want you to be my first.
I want you inside me.

1618
01:33:35,712 --> 01:33:37,907
So just... Just go with it.

1619
01:33:38,114 --> 01:33:40,048
- Let it happen.
- I know, but...

1620
01:33:40,550 --> 01:33:42,541
Becca, this is kind of intense.

1621
01:33:42,752 --> 01:33:47,086
And I just... I'm so drunk.
I can't even, like, process this.

1622
01:33:47,290 --> 01:33:49,622
And you're really pretty.

1623
01:33:49,826 --> 01:33:51,885
And I just think
this isn't how I pictured it.

1624
01:33:52,095 --> 01:33:56,532
I don't understand why you have to be
such a little bitch about it.

1625
01:33:57,734 --> 01:34:00,862
- Did you just call me a bitch?
- Yes, a scared...

1626
01:34:01,070 --> 01:34:03,664
See, I, like,
I think we're not thinking clear...

1627
01:34:03,873 --> 01:34:05,135
Holy shit. Oh, my God.

1628
01:34:05,341 --> 01:34:07,707
- Go get Gaby.
- I'll go get her.

1629
01:34:07,910 --> 01:34:12,643
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Go get Gaby, please.

1630
01:34:26,863 --> 01:34:30,492
- I got a boner.
- Good.

1631
01:34:31,801 --> 01:34:34,395
- Do you have a condom?
- Yes.

1632
01:34:36,339 --> 01:34:38,307
And lube.

1633
01:34:38,508 --> 01:34:39,998
Seth?

1634
01:34:43,980 --> 01:34:46,414
Are...? Are you crying?

1635
01:34:46,816 --> 01:34:49,683
No, I just have something
in both my eyes.

1636
01:34:49,886 --> 01:34:51,046
I don't cry. That's funny.

1637
01:34:51,254 --> 01:34:53,484
You look... You look...
It looks like you're crying.

1638
01:34:53,689 --> 01:34:55,020
So...

1639
01:34:57,260 --> 01:34:59,592
It was my last chance
and I fucked it up and...

1640
01:34:59,796 --> 01:35:01,354
Your last chance to do what?

1641
01:35:01,564 --> 01:35:04,590
To make you
my girlfriend for the summer.

1642
01:35:05,201 --> 01:35:08,034
You're, like, the coolest person
that's ever talked to me.

1643
01:35:08,237 --> 01:35:09,829
I thought we'd both be drunk.

1644
01:35:10,039 --> 01:35:12,769
What does me being drunk
have anything to do with it?

1645
01:35:12,975 --> 01:35:15,273
You'd never get with me
if you were sober.

1646
01:35:15,478 --> 01:35:16,945
Look at you.

1647
01:35:18,014 --> 01:35:22,212
- Look at me.
- Seth, come on, you didn't blow it.

1648
01:35:22,819 --> 01:35:24,411
I think maybe...

1649
01:35:25,054 --> 01:35:26,817
What the fuck?!

1650
01:35:27,023 --> 01:35:28,684
Help me.

1651
01:35:30,893 --> 01:35:31,860
Shirley.

1652
01:35:32,061 --> 01:35:34,120
I'm sorry.

1653
01:35:34,530 --> 01:35:37,021
- Someone forgot to call pest control.
- Yep.

1654
01:35:37,233 --> 01:35:39,064
Where you going?
Hey, party's still on.

1655
01:35:39,268 --> 01:35:40,496
- Where are you going?
- No.

1656
01:35:40,703 --> 01:35:43,900
If you're back there, get out.
Everyone, come on.

1657
01:35:44,106 --> 01:35:45,869
- We will shoot you.
- Party's over.

1658
01:35:46,075 --> 01:35:47,565
- Evan.
- Get the hell out of here.

1659
01:35:47,777 --> 01:35:49,438
Keep your hands up.

1660
01:35:55,218 --> 01:35:57,914
Life's bullshit, Miroki.

1661
01:36:07,296 --> 01:36:09,264
Ev, wake the fuck up, man.

1662
01:36:09,465 --> 01:36:11,763
We gotta go.
Those fucking cops are here, man.

1663
01:36:15,071 --> 01:36:17,369
"Oh, no, it's the cops."
We have a complaint.

1664
01:36:17,573 --> 01:36:20,098
- Evan, come on.
- Get the hell out of here right now.

1665
01:36:20,309 --> 01:36:21,936
Get out of here.
She's not interested.

1666
01:36:22,144 --> 01:36:24,840
- Drop the crantini and move it, sister.
- See you, sugar tits.

1667
01:36:25,047 --> 01:36:26,014
Guys, come on, move.

1668
01:36:26,215 --> 01:36:29,343
Everybody out.
Leave the booze and go.

1669
01:36:30,519 --> 01:36:31,713
What the fuck, man?

1670
01:36:32,521 --> 01:36:33,783
What the fuck, Seth?

1671
01:36:33,990 --> 01:36:36,220
He's my best friend. Oh, shit.

1672
01:36:36,826 --> 01:36:39,226
Oh, shit. Come on.

1673
01:36:39,428 --> 01:36:42,056
I assume you all have guns
and crack.

1674
01:36:44,800 --> 01:36:48,531
Oh, my God, come on. Don't stop.

1675
01:36:51,107 --> 01:36:52,472
Okay, everyone...

1676
01:36:52,675 --> 01:36:55,508
...prepare to be fucked
by the long dick of the law.

1677
01:36:55,711 --> 01:36:57,474
Get out.

1678
01:36:59,282 --> 01:37:00,271
Come on, go.

1679
01:37:04,520 --> 01:37:06,078
Fuck off, Seth.

1680
01:37:08,658 --> 01:37:09,852
Get a room.

1681
01:37:10,059 --> 01:37:12,459
I'm gonna save you.
I'm gonna save you, Evan.

1682
01:37:14,096 --> 01:37:15,757
Fuck.

1683
01:37:17,433 --> 01:37:20,630
Fuck. Fuck, man, so heavy.

1684
01:37:35,952 --> 01:37:38,352
It's in. Oh, my God, it's in.

1685
01:37:38,554 --> 01:37:40,920
All right, everybody out.
Come on, let's go.

1686
01:37:41,123 --> 01:37:43,489
McLovin! What the fuck?

1687
01:37:43,693 --> 01:37:46,059
- Officer Slater, is that you?
- You ran away from us.

1688
01:37:46,262 --> 01:37:48,230
Why did you run away?
Michaels, get up here.

1689
01:37:48,431 --> 01:37:50,365
- No. I didn't run away.
- What the fuck?

1690
01:37:50,566 --> 01:37:51,555
Why would you do that?

1691
01:37:51,767 --> 01:37:54,258
- I was disoriented from...
- Were you violating that girl?

1692
01:37:54,470 --> 01:37:56,870
You just violated her with your penis?
Michaels, look.

1693
01:37:57,073 --> 01:37:58,438
- McLovin?
- No, no, no.

1694
01:37:59,008 --> 01:38:00,498
No.

1695
01:38:01,143 --> 01:38:02,940
Holy shit.
Were you just getting laid?

1696
01:38:03,145 --> 01:38:05,807
No. Yeah, I was, but...

1697
01:38:06,015 --> 01:38:08,279
- Yes, yes, he was.
- It's not what you think, guys.

1698
01:38:08,484 --> 01:38:10,679
- I'm not even...
- Sit the fuck down. Stay down.

1699
01:38:10,886 --> 01:38:12,717
- Calm down.
- I thought we were friends...

1700
01:38:12,922 --> 01:38:14,389
...and then you go running away.

1701
01:38:14,590 --> 01:38:16,217
Contain yourself.

1702
01:38:16,425 --> 01:38:17,915
- We're friends.
- Shut up.

1703
01:38:18,127 --> 01:38:20,391
- Calm down. Calm down, man.
- Why? What?

1704
01:38:20,596 --> 01:38:22,188
You just cock-blocked McLovin.
Okay?

1705
01:38:22,398 --> 01:38:23,888
He's our friend. We don't do that.

1706
01:38:24,100 --> 01:38:27,433
We should be guiding his cock,
not blocking it.

1707
01:38:27,636 --> 01:38:31,367
Just relax, okay?
Let's make this right.

1708
01:38:39,048 --> 01:38:41,312
Wait, what are you...?
What are you guys doing?

1709
01:38:41,517 --> 01:38:44,714
No, please, I can't... I can't go to jail.
Please, I can't go to jail.

1710
01:38:44,920 --> 01:38:48,720
No, look.
We're really sorry, McLovin.

1711
01:38:48,924 --> 01:38:52,257
This has... This has gone on...
This has gone way too far.

1712
01:38:52,461 --> 01:38:55,521
What? What are you talking about?

1713
01:38:55,731 --> 01:38:59,667
We know you're not 25, man.
We're not idiots, McLovin.

1714
01:38:59,869 --> 01:39:02,360
- Yeah.
- Did you know the whole time?

1715
01:39:02,571 --> 01:39:07,736
Look, when we were your age,
we hated cops.

1716
01:39:07,943 --> 01:39:11,106
When we saw you
in the liquor store today, we just...

1717
01:39:11,313 --> 01:39:13,372
I guess we saw a bit of ourselves,
you know...

1718
01:39:13,582 --> 01:39:16,676
...and we just wanted
to show you that...

1719
01:39:16,886 --> 01:39:19,252
...you know, cops can have
a fun time too, you know?

1720
01:39:19,455 --> 01:39:21,047
Yeah.

1721
01:39:21,824 --> 01:39:26,352
You know, in a way,
I think we wanted to show ourselves.

1722
01:39:28,097 --> 01:39:30,429
Also, I'm...

1723
01:39:30,633 --> 01:39:33,761
I'm really sorry
that I blocked your cock.

1724
01:39:34,437 --> 01:39:37,565
- Apology accepted.
- Seriously, man.

1725
01:39:38,607 --> 01:39:40,165
That feels good.

1726
01:39:40,376 --> 01:39:42,241
- It feels so good.
- I missed you guys.

1727
01:39:42,445 --> 01:39:44,811
I just wish we could
make it up to you somehow, man.

1728
01:39:45,014 --> 01:39:47,642
Well, do you think
you can do me a really big favor?

1729
01:39:47,850 --> 01:39:49,909
- What is it? Anything.
- Name it.

1730
01:39:50,119 --> 01:39:53,145
- This kid's fucking crazy.
- Stay back for your own safety.

1731
01:39:53,355 --> 01:39:55,653
Get off me, you fucking cops.
Get your hands off.

1732
01:39:55,858 --> 01:39:58,383
Do you know who I am?
I'm Fogell.

1733
01:39:59,261 --> 01:40:02,662
- The joint can't hold me.
- Holy shit, Fogell's a badass.

1734
01:40:02,865 --> 01:40:05,834
I'm gonna break your glasses,
you fucking cop. You can't hold me.

1735
01:40:06,035 --> 01:40:07,127
Fucking pigs.

1736
01:40:12,108 --> 01:40:13,302
Oh, shit.

1737
01:40:15,911 --> 01:40:17,503
Nice mullet, asshole.

1738
01:40:18,147 --> 01:40:20,012
- You crazy.
- This kid's crazy.

1739
01:40:20,216 --> 01:40:23,276
He's nuts.
Well, we caught the infamous Fogell.

1740
01:40:23,486 --> 01:40:25,113
Get your hands...
Wait for me, Nicola.

1741
01:40:25,321 --> 01:40:26,754
Wait for me on the outside.

1742
01:40:27,690 --> 01:40:29,817
We were gonna go to Hawaii.

1743
01:40:30,926 --> 01:40:32,621
Man, that's gonna get you
so much ass.

1744
01:40:32,828 --> 01:40:33,795
Seriously?

1745
01:40:33,996 --> 01:40:37,193
- I know what to do about the car.
- Sweet.

1746
01:40:37,800 --> 01:40:41,429
Fucking go. Fucking throw up.

1747
01:40:45,307 --> 01:40:46,672
Are you carrying me?

1748
01:40:46,876 --> 01:40:49,003
No, I'm saving you from the cops.

1749
01:40:49,378 --> 01:40:50,367
You saved me?

1750
01:40:52,214 --> 01:40:55,149
Well, I don't know what
you're talking about, but thanks.

1751
01:40:55,351 --> 01:40:57,478
Can I... Should I just walk?

1752
01:40:57,686 --> 01:41:01,213
- Should I walk?
- Yeah, sure.

1753
01:41:01,991 --> 01:41:05,984
- Okay.
- Where do you wanna go?

1754
01:41:06,829 --> 01:41:09,957
Sleepover at my house?
You wanna come sleep...?

1755
01:41:11,667 --> 01:41:14,636
- Okay.
- Okay.

1756
01:41:17,706 --> 01:41:19,401
Does your mom
still have pizza bagels?

1757
01:41:19,608 --> 01:41:21,235
Yeah. Lots.

1758
01:41:21,443 --> 01:41:23,377
Pizza bagels.

1759
01:41:31,620 --> 01:41:34,214
So by signing this,
you are officially saying...

1760
01:41:34,423 --> 01:41:36,857
...that as we stopped you
from being mugged...

1761
01:41:37,059 --> 01:41:39,960
...a crackhead stole our cruiser
and did God knows what with it.

1762
01:41:40,162 --> 01:41:42,756
- You cool to sign that?
- Of course. I owe you guys my life.

1763
01:41:42,965 --> 01:41:45,559
We owe you, Mc...
Wait, what's your real name again?

1764
01:41:45,768 --> 01:41:46,792
- Fogell.
- Fuck that.

1765
01:41:47,002 --> 01:41:49,562
- We're calling you McLovin.
- McLovin.

1766
01:41:49,772 --> 01:41:52,172
Let's do this dance, boys.

1767
01:42:15,764 --> 01:42:18,426
- Oh, my God.
- What did I tell you guys, right?

1768
01:42:18,634 --> 01:42:19,601
That was crazy.

1769
01:42:25,608 --> 01:42:26,802
All right.

1770
01:42:27,009 --> 01:42:28,943
All right, now, guys, check this out.

1771
01:42:29,144 --> 01:42:32,341
It's probably the greatest move
in doughnut-spinning history.

1772
01:42:32,548 --> 01:42:33,537
You paying attention?

1773
01:42:33,749 --> 01:42:37,014
Behold, the upward-spiraling pigtail.

1774
01:42:37,219 --> 01:42:40,484
- Why is it called that?
- I don't know.

1775
01:42:44,660 --> 01:42:46,753
Make the badge proud, Slater.

1776
01:42:48,764 --> 01:42:50,925
He's not usually this drunk
when he does this...

1777
01:42:51,133 --> 01:42:54,261
...but I think
that could make it more cool.

1778
01:42:59,375 --> 01:43:01,104
McLovin!

1779
01:43:11,620 --> 01:43:12,678
Oh, no.

1780
01:43:13,489 --> 01:43:14,820
Fuck.

1781
01:43:21,230 --> 01:43:24,597
- Slater!
- Officer Slater.

1782
01:43:26,402 --> 01:43:29,337
All right. Fucking crazy.

1783
01:43:30,139 --> 01:43:31,106
Let's do this.

1784
01:43:31,974 --> 01:43:36,138
- Hurry, hurry. Let's go. Go, go.
- I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.

1785
01:43:36,345 --> 01:43:38,506
- I'm out, I'm out.
- Good, here we go, here we go.

1786
01:43:38,714 --> 01:43:40,807
Yeah? Yeah, okay. Back up.

1787
01:43:41,016 --> 01:43:43,610
Don't blow yourself up, asshole.

1788
01:43:48,791 --> 01:43:52,283
Yes. Oh, my God.

1789
01:43:52,494 --> 01:43:54,894
It worked. It worked.

1790
01:43:55,097 --> 01:43:59,033
We won. We won.

1791
01:44:07,643 --> 01:44:09,543
Can we shoot at it?

1792
01:44:10,713 --> 01:44:13,841
I don't know. Can you?

1793
01:44:32,668 --> 01:44:34,363
Break yourself, fool.

1794
01:44:40,743 --> 01:44:42,233
Tight.

1795
01:44:42,444 --> 01:44:45,038
Listen, and then she said
she was gonna give me a blow-J.

1796
01:44:45,247 --> 01:44:48,978
- I can't believe she said that to you.
- Man, you have no idea.

1797
01:44:49,184 --> 01:44:52,051
- What was she thinking?
- You don't even know.

1798
01:44:59,862 --> 01:45:03,855
I gotta tell you.
I gotta tell you something, Evan.

1799
01:45:04,066 --> 01:45:05,397
What?

1800
01:45:05,601 --> 01:45:07,466
I was in your room, like,
three weeks ago...

1801
01:45:07,669 --> 01:45:09,899
...while you were taking a shit.

1802
01:45:10,105 --> 01:45:15,099
And I saw your housing, like, forms.

1803
01:45:15,611 --> 01:45:19,809
So I knew you and Fogell
were gonna live together, you know.

1804
01:45:20,015 --> 01:45:22,575
I'm sorry, man, I don't know.

1805
01:45:24,620 --> 01:45:28,716
I should've told you.
I don't know why I didn't.

1806
01:45:28,924 --> 01:45:31,654
Don't... No, don't be sorry.
I should be sorry.

1807
01:45:31,860 --> 01:45:34,590
I was being a dick.
I was being a big dick to you.

1808
01:45:34,797 --> 01:45:36,025
No, I...

1809
01:45:36,231 --> 01:45:40,634
Listen, Seth, I want you to know,
I don't wanna live with Fogell.

1810
01:45:40,836 --> 01:45:45,796
I never wanted to live with him.
I just don't... I ha...

1811
01:45:46,008 --> 01:45:48,169
I'm afraid to live with strangers.

1812
01:45:50,045 --> 01:45:51,171
I can't.

1813
01:45:52,281 --> 01:45:54,249
I can't do it.

1814
01:45:55,651 --> 01:45:58,381
I know, I know.

1815
01:45:59,688 --> 01:46:02,555
I can't believe you saved me.

1816
01:46:04,226 --> 01:46:06,353
You saved me.

1817
01:46:06,562 --> 01:46:09,463
I can't believe. I owe you so...

1818
01:46:10,332 --> 01:46:14,462
You carried me. I love you.

1819
01:46:15,103 --> 01:46:16,536
I love you, man.

1820
01:46:19,508 --> 01:46:21,533
I love you.

1821
01:46:22,978 --> 01:46:27,608
I love you. I'm not even
embarrassed to say it. I just...

1822
01:46:27,816 --> 01:46:29,784
I lo... I love you.

1823
01:46:29,985 --> 01:46:31,646
- I'm not embarrassed.
- I love you.

1824
01:46:31,854 --> 01:46:33,321
I love you.

1825
01:46:33,522 --> 01:46:36,286
Why don't we say that every day?
Why can't we say it more often?

1826
01:46:36,492 --> 01:46:38,722
I just love you. I just wanna
go to the rooftops and scream:

1827
01:46:38,927 --> 01:46:40,224
"I love my best friend, Evan."

1828
01:46:40,429 --> 01:46:44,058
- We should go up on my roof.
- For sure.

1829
01:46:44,266 --> 01:46:50,068
Like, when you went away for Easter,
on your vacation, I missed you.

1830
01:46:50,272 --> 01:46:53,730
- I missed you too.
- I want the world to know.

1831
01:46:54,176 --> 01:46:58,840
It's... It's the most beautiful thing
in the world.

1832
01:47:02,451 --> 01:47:05,978
Come here. Come here, man.

1833
01:47:16,665 --> 01:47:19,190
- I love you.
- I love you.

1834
01:47:32,214 --> 01:47:34,273
What the fuck?

1835
01:47:41,657 --> 01:47:46,651
- What up?
- Morning. Morning.

1836
01:47:47,129 --> 01:47:49,620
I should get moving.
I should get moving.

1837
01:47:49,831 --> 01:47:52,026
I should be getting
a move on, for sure.

1838
01:47:52,234 --> 01:47:55,203
Yeah, you don't...
I mean, you don't have to, you know.

1839
01:47:55,404 --> 01:47:58,464
I don't really have anything
going on.

1840
01:47:58,674 --> 01:48:01,199
You don't have to rush off like that.

1841
01:48:04,713 --> 01:48:06,738
You wanna hang out?

1842
01:48:07,182 --> 01:48:09,616
I was gonna go to the mall.

1843
01:48:09,818 --> 01:48:13,254
I have to get a new comforter.

1844
01:48:13,889 --> 01:48:16,380
For college.
The mall, they would sell that.

1845
01:48:16,592 --> 01:48:18,150
Cool. So...

1846
01:48:19,528 --> 01:48:21,792
...your mom's got huge tits.

1847
01:48:24,433 --> 01:48:25,695
What do you think?

1848
01:48:25,901 --> 01:48:27,266
I don't know, man. Don't ask me.

1849
01:48:27,469 --> 01:48:30,233
Because I don't give a shit
how pants look.

1850
01:48:30,439 --> 01:48:32,805
Yeah, I need someone's opinion.

1851
01:48:33,008 --> 01:48:36,341
Those are too tight.
Those are way too tight.

1852
01:48:36,545 --> 01:48:39,013
- Yeah, but, like...
- Way too tight. You need to upgrade.

1853
01:48:39,214 --> 01:48:41,774
There's not enough pants where
there should be. More pants.

1854
01:48:41,984 --> 01:48:44,350
Yeah, but...
I mean, does it look weird?

1855
01:48:44,553 --> 01:48:47,920
Looks like you're standing funny. You
wouldn't stand like that. Like a duck.

1856
01:48:48,123 --> 01:48:49,886
Yeah, but I'm doing like...

1857
01:48:50,092 --> 01:48:53,323
- I'm doing the college poses like...
- I don't know if you are.

1858
01:48:53,528 --> 01:48:55,428
- You might just be doing...
- Hey, prof.

1859
01:48:55,631 --> 01:48:57,690
- Okay.
- That test was...

1860
01:48:58,333 --> 01:49:02,201
Hey, Susan. Are you gonna
party tonight or no?

1861
01:49:02,404 --> 01:49:05,965
Yeah, but that's just... It's like I wish
there were more pants where...

1862
01:49:06,208 --> 01:49:07,436
You know, where there aren't.

1863
01:49:07,676 --> 01:49:09,541
But when I was wearing
your dad's pants...

1864
01:49:09,745 --> 01:49:12,543
...I realized that if I wear pants
that are a little too small...

1865
01:49:12,748 --> 01:49:14,443
...it might encourage me
to lose weight.

1866
01:49:14,650 --> 01:49:16,550
And also,
chicks can kind of see, like...

1867
01:49:16,752 --> 01:49:19,380
...you know, the borders
and outline of my dick a little.

1868
01:49:19,588 --> 01:49:22,557
Yeah, man, they go nuts for that.
The male camel toe.

1869
01:49:22,758 --> 01:49:25,750
Yeah, the camel tail. It's right...

1870
01:49:25,961 --> 01:49:27,622
I know where it is, where it happens.

1871
01:49:27,829 --> 01:49:29,490
Like, right there.

1872
01:49:29,698 --> 01:49:33,259
It's like they're so tight that one ball is,
like, above my dick, even.

1873
01:49:33,468 --> 01:49:35,163
- Yeah, exactly.
- It's like three.

1874
01:49:35,370 --> 01:49:37,964
It's like a three thing.
It's like ball, dick, ball.

1875
01:49:38,173 --> 01:49:39,538
It's like a division sign.

1876
01:49:39,741 --> 01:49:41,538
Like a bunch of people
crammed into a van.

1877
01:49:42,477 --> 01:49:46,208
- Making my ass look weird?
- It makes a lot of stuff look weird.

1878
01:49:46,548 --> 01:49:47,981
No, those are way too tight.

1879
01:49:48,817 --> 01:49:51,581
You're right, these look stupid.
Let's get the fuck out of here.

1880
01:49:51,787 --> 01:49:55,052
I'm really sorry about that.
I can't believe I actually did that.

1881
01:49:55,257 --> 01:49:57,316
I feel bad that I'm making you
buy me a new one.

1882
01:49:57,526 --> 01:49:58,788
It's seems, like, ridiculous.

1883
01:49:58,994 --> 01:50:03,021
- No. I have to, it's puke. It's gross.
- Oh, my God.

1884
01:50:03,231 --> 01:50:05,722
Do alcoholics get hangovers?

1885
01:50:05,934 --> 01:50:08,732
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.
It's them.

1886
01:50:09,638 --> 01:50:13,540
- What the fuck do we do, man?
- Don't stop. I don't know.

1887
01:50:15,377 --> 01:50:17,811
- Hey.
- Hey.

1888
01:50:18,747 --> 01:50:20,442
How's it going?

1889
01:50:22,184 --> 01:50:24,948
It's so good to...
How are you feeling?

1890
01:50:25,587 --> 01:50:29,079
I've felt better. But I'll be fine.
How about you?

1891
01:50:30,192 --> 01:50:34,322
I'm okay, you know, yeah.
Did you have fun last night?

1892
01:50:36,865 --> 01:50:40,392
You know,
I actually don't remember much.

1893
01:50:40,602 --> 01:50:42,126
I don't remember anything.

1894
01:50:43,038 --> 01:50:46,007
- So weird.
- Nothing.

1895
01:50:46,508 --> 01:50:49,102
I didn't puke on you, did I?

1896
01:50:49,578 --> 01:50:51,808
You didn't.
I remember that you... I avoided it.

1897
01:50:52,013 --> 01:50:56,109
It whizzed right by me, and I said,
"Stay away from me," you know.

1898
01:50:56,752 --> 01:51:02,691
I'm really sorry about
everything last night, and I just...

1899
01:51:04,359 --> 01:51:06,793
Thank you for being
such a nice guy about it all.

1900
01:51:07,696 --> 01:51:09,323
That's okay, you know.

1901
01:51:09,531 --> 01:51:12,125
At least you don't have
a black eye from it.

1902
01:51:15,537 --> 01:51:18,665
- That looks terrible.
- Yeah.

1903
01:51:19,574 --> 01:51:23,874
You look great. You don't look terrible.
It's just, like, a bad bruise.

1904
01:51:24,079 --> 01:51:26,809
Everything's great, just from he...
This, just like right there.

1905
01:51:27,015 --> 01:51:28,607
- Your eye.
- Yeah, your eye.

1906
01:51:28,817 --> 01:51:30,444
Everything else is great.

1907
01:51:30,652 --> 01:51:34,645
But seriously,
I acted like a fucking idiot last night.

1908
01:51:37,359 --> 01:51:41,557
You don't deserve that.
So I'm sorry.

1909
01:51:42,397 --> 01:51:46,197
On the upside,
I think you look cool with a black eye.

1910
01:51:46,401 --> 01:51:49,768
I'm just gonna throw that out there.
I don't... I don't know.

1911
01:51:49,971 --> 01:51:53,964
Well, thank you, smart guy.
Thanks. That's actually why I'm here.

1912
01:51:54,176 --> 01:51:57,475
Because I have to get
a ton of cover-up for the grad photo.

1913
01:51:57,679 --> 01:52:00,113
Oh, man. Fuck.

1914
01:52:00,315 --> 01:52:02,715
And I'm gonna get Jules
a new comforter.

1915
01:52:02,918 --> 01:52:04,852
I have to get a comforter too.
For college.

1916
01:52:05,053 --> 01:52:07,578
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, I just figured I would need one.

1917
01:52:07,789 --> 01:52:09,689
So, Seth...

1918
01:52:11,026 --> 01:52:14,985
So do you wanna come
buy me cover-up or something?

1919
01:52:15,197 --> 01:52:17,222
I mean, you kind of owe me.

1920
01:52:18,633 --> 01:52:22,000
Yeah, definitely.
I would love to do that.

1921
01:52:22,470 --> 01:52:24,370
I had such bad acne last year...

1922
01:52:24,573 --> 01:52:27,940
...that I pretty much became,
like, an expert on the stuff.

1923
01:52:28,510 --> 01:52:31,104
Well, you drove.
Evan drove me here, though, so...

1924
01:52:31,313 --> 01:52:33,338
Well, so...
Well, I mean, I have my dad's car.

1925
01:52:33,548 --> 01:52:36,381
So I could just give you a lift...

1926
01:52:36,585 --> 01:52:38,610
...and then Evan
could take Becca home.

1927
01:52:38,820 --> 01:52:41,220
If that works.
I don't know if it's in your route.

1928
01:52:41,423 --> 01:52:42,651
It'd be fine with me.

1929
01:52:42,858 --> 01:52:45,622
Fine, yeah.
Maybe we can get some food.

1930
01:52:46,828 --> 01:52:48,090
Yeah, I'd like that.

1931
01:52:50,999 --> 01:52:52,660
So I guess I'll call you, then.

1932
01:52:52,868 --> 01:52:54,859
Yeah, give me a call.
Yeah, you have my number.

1933
01:52:55,070 --> 01:52:58,096
I have your information.
So put her there.

1934
01:52:58,306 --> 01:53:01,275
Perfect. Good. All right, man.

1935
01:53:01,476 --> 01:53:02,875
- Okay.
- Okay, guys.

1936
01:53:03,078 --> 01:53:04,602
- Becca.
- Bye, guys.

1937
01:53:04,813 --> 01:53:06,371
- Bye, have fun.
- See you, Jules.

1938
01:53:06,581 --> 01:53:09,709
Yeah, that's funny. Too funny.

1939
01:53:09,918 --> 01:53:12,409
Where do you wanna go to eat?

1940
01:53:13,788 --> 01:53:17,053
So can you honestly help me figure out
what kind of cover-up to get?

1941
01:58:24,432 --> 01:58:25,831
I love you.

1942
01:58:26,305 --> 01:58:32,401
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